The Cure for the Overwhelming Burden of Cancer Talk with co host Deb Krier

Deb, over the holidays, I had the opportunity to travel quite a bit and some car rides, I was listening to a couple, a podcast about some business leaders and they, they were kind of doing their year of year end wrap up and looking towards the new year as we record, this is first few days of 2024. And these are a couple of these podcasts pretty upbeat guys usually and pretty, you know, looking forward to things. But one case, when one of the fellows listed too, it would have had a really bad year, business-wise and his family had moved on to a new city. And there was adjustments with that. And he had to let go with some employees because there's some things like it was really, he was talking about the burden that was on his way to the world on his shoulders, kind of a mental health thing that was also impacting his physical health a little bit. Another podcast I listened to was a person I who had interviewed some time ago, a very, very well known author and business leader, is the basically the title, the pockets, this is my last podcast, and he was relating to how, in early December, he had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. And he just had he had kind of put his, you know, he had to really focus in on that. Around the same time, I haven't read the article that you wrote, on your, on your blog, the overwhelming burden of dealing with cancer. And I just want to touch for a few minutes today about this topic of burden and what we can do with it. Are you ready for us to talk about that? Just a little bit here?

Ready? Let's go.

All right. Well, I appreciate you so much in so much that you do, Deb and you've shared so much with our audience here at Cancer and Comedy. And they're right, it remind everybody that you're you have a fabulous website and a Facebook page, tryingnottodie.live. And you have so much great content there. I want people to make sure that they check that out as well. But tell me a little bit about what led you to write an article here recently about the overwhelming burden of dealing with cancer. Tell me what led you to do that?

Well, first of all, thank you for information on my my initiative that we have created. You know, it's I do two blog posts a month. And I think part of the reason why I wrote this one was The holidays are just such a challenge. We're supposed to be happy, we're supposed to be you know, we're upbeat, it's, you know, one of those things where you don't always feel like that, and you really don't feel like that sometimes at the holidays. And it was definitely a challenge. Sometimes you'll because you don't want to bring everybody else down, right. But you also don't feel like being party girl. And I think that's kind of one of the things that we lose track of is we get in this process of whatever it is we're doing treatments surgery, you know, maybe we're maybe it's actually done, and now we're in the healing stages. But it's always there in the back of our heads. And when we have to go to these, you know that the holiday things? It sometimes is, you know, kind of a weird dichotomy of I'm feeling this, but I'm supposed to be really happy. You know, and it really was, you know, it was so much fun at Christmas, especially to see the new babies, right? Because we have several in our family that are, you know, under six months old, I mean, they're eating bitty little babies. But to also know, am I going to see them graduate from high school? Wow, yeah. Am I going to see things further than that? Am I going to see them go to elementary school? I mean, let's be honest, sometimes it's much more search short term. But we can't say anything about that, you know, we, you know, it's and I think that is probably one of the challenges is we don't want people to feel bad. We don't want to burden them with saying, you know, here's what's going on. And so we just keep it all inside.

I can relate to what you're sharing so much over there over the holidays.

You were diagnosed initially right around the holiday

Yeah I was a diagnosis in holidays, right Christmas time, but 2022 And then this year, Christmas time 2023 Our family, my entire family met my three adult children, and grandchildren. And there's nine of us all together got together for get away. And one of the reasons I really wanted to do that and kind of urgently push my family to do that is because I just felt like okay, especially with my grandchildren, I just thought kind of the same thing here. If they got it, I want to be able to have those extended moments, because you just don't know what's going to happen next and there is a bit of a burden with that. A bit of an urgency to that. But also a sense of kind of it just kind of a way to kind of a burden as you say a fatigue you know is one of the other another ways I might put it and you got the physical thing goes on with your health and then you got this mental thing going on, as well. So what do you what do you say? ache hot. How do you How did you navigate that? And how do you think some of the things we have learned about dealing with cancer, maybe some ways that we can help people bear through it to get through some of these things?

I think the biggest thing is we actually have to acknowledge it when we force ourselves to try to be happy, happy. It's not going to work. Right? If and what that does it in many ways makes it worse. You want to and so yeah, we don't want to be the gloomy, gloomy person crying in the corner. But we need to say, you know what? I just need a little bit of time to myself right now. Or let me hold that maybe a little bit longer, you know, and just really acknowledge that there's something going on. Again, we don't have to be sharing with everybody, here's what I'm feeling. But at least acknowledge it to yourself.

Self-awareness, kind of a self-consciousness about our circumstances, I think comes into play when you deal with cancer, and we might suffer, we might submerge, when maybe prior to a diagnosis, we kind of, we kind of put up like, oh, cancer happens to somebody else, or you know, somebody else's issues. And we feel sorry for them. But we have a little different situation when it's us, and I think there are some we get to balance the image that we give to others with our own personal reality; we have to deal with our personal realities. But sounds like you found somewhat some joys in some of the smaller things, some of the simple things in life, what are some of, what do you think are some of the simple joys or tips that you found

I did hold the baby a little bit longer? No, and, and, you know, I and let's see, this one was three, four months old, and cute little dude. And he just nuzzled in and went to sleep. And you're on. And so there I was, I was holding him, it was time to eat. And, you know, his mom said, Oh, well, I'll take him back. I said, you're gonna go. And you enjoy. And she, you know, it was, and it was very cute that, you know, because part of it was she's, you know, it's her first child. And she's very protective of the little guy. So you know, what, she doesn't let a lot of other people hold. And so you know, I, but it was, it was like, No, you, you enjoy yourself. He's good. And she sat across from me. And so she knew everything was fine. But yeah, it was just, you know, take the time to do that. We also, you know, had traveled to be with my mother and and other family members, and my mom's 91. And although she's in relatively good health, she's 91. And so you don't ever want to pass things like that up, you know, and we had to not see some family members because they had COVID. And that bothers you because, you know, they're getting older, and you never want to pass up seeing it, because you don't know, when, you know, that was the last opportunity that you had. And so I think that's the other thing is, you know, yeah, it might be you know, I'm tired. I needed a nap. But I needed to go say hi to those people, we needed to drive around and see the Christmas lights. That's always one of my favorite things to do is drive around and see how people have decorated you know, when and, and I just love doing that. I've done that since I was little and my parents would pile me into the back of the car and away we go. So yeah, just like you said, it's the little things that are what made it special.

I agree. Yeah, my two granddaughters are ages six and three and like to their, you know, Bumblebee energy, they're, they're just, they're loud, and they're boisterous. They are in your face. But I love every minute of it. And they tell dumb jokes. And they, in my case, you know, they are the types of jokes. Yeah, that's where the dumb jokes come from. That's absolutely well, they come from them, or they get them from me or whatever. But we have what our family gets together, there's a lot of fun, that happens. A lot of stupidity to to be honest with you. But that's, that's okay. But you know, they'll get right in your face. And they'll just, you know, they'll, you know, pick up pick my glasses off my head, and oh, you know, just pull up my beard and just full just be right in your face. And I love every minute of it. Because I know when you're, you know, that's different when you're three and six. You know, it's not when they're older. I know that.

But I'll still be a teenager going I don't want to be here.

Yeah. But I also just want to cherish those moments. And I think it's one thing that we can do: we need to be mindful of the burden of the physical toll and tax it takes on us. Like I had, you know, I had a couple of times when I had to go take a nap and all that kind of stuff, but on our little family vacation, but you got to do things, and they're also, you know, the whole theme of our podcasts your cancer comedy is trying to have a good attitude about things but it takes some energy to stay strong and optimistic, doesn't it?

It does, you know, and I think it's you know, we need to get Have ourselves grace. And like you said, you went and took naps. I took naps, you know when and sometimes it and people would say, Well, why are you napping? You're, and I'm like, because if I don't nap now, I'm going to crash later, you know. And so knowing what our own limitations are, it's also a time, you know, during the holidays, when meals are hit and miss, or really big, or lots of sugar and all of those things. I know that's not going to work, I can't eat that, you know, and so to not overindulge, or to, you know, at least try and eat a little bit healthy, you know, when, but maybe you don't need four servings of Turkey.

Or when they break out all the Christmas cookies and all the good

know, I've had enough sugar to last me for another month at least. Yeah,

Oh, I but one of the things I think important and one twin strategy I think people might have is to, is to cherish moments, but But you really focus in on experiences, you know, to really cherish experiences, but to, to go from them those conversations, those interactions, those moments, and, you know, do some things like take pictures and video, that kind of thing, too, but, you know, let there be some moments to have experiences, you know, and one of the things that I really cherish about this trip that our family took here a couple of weeks ago for over the holidays, was that my two granddaughters got to spend some time with my two sons, their uncles and one uncle one of their uncle's might ones have sons likes to have really rough house and wrestling things. And they love that. And my other son, there are other Uncle loves to do things like help him to build the crafts, and to bake cookies and to do other things, you read the read books and that kind of thing. So they had those experiences with him. And we had with me as well. But I really liked loved watching that happen, you know, that experience, from my perspective? Right should to cherish that. And I think people just need to give themselves a break, don't you think so?

We do. You know, and and no, but the other thing that I was thinking about as you were talking is we need to do all these things all year? Yeah, not at the holidays, you know, we need to hold the baby more. We need to read the books with the granddaughter we need to do all of those things throughout the year. Put those screens down, right, turn the TV's off, put your phone down, and spend time together. You know, I always you know, it's always entertaining when you know, two people sitting next to each other or texting each other. Like, no.

Yeah, I got loaded kick, the plug. We rented a cabin in the Smoky Mountains, which is what we did. And one of the first things that some of us wanted to do, we got there was hey, what's the Wi-Fi here, then we realized that we'd rented a place it did not have Wi Fi and we saw homeowners had no Wi Fi talk to each other was on the side. And I thought, hey, that's I debt, that's a good thing. So talk to each other is a good as a good reminder here as we embark in this year of 2024 to talk to have conversations

Yeah, yeah, you know, and talk the talk, not text, not email off to them, you know, when and if the if you're not in the same place, it's okay to zoom or, you know, whatever technology you're doing, because we need to see their faces, you know, and obviously, in person is is the best thing. But yeah, keep in touch, and then do the next best thing, you know, comment on their Facebook posts, all of those various things. But yeah, don't just connect with people once a year trying to end see, you know, hey, what's going on all the time?

Well, as we talked to, as we try to serve our audience here with Selleck, we've got a few things that people can do to deal with the burden here, first of all, is to acknowledge the burden is real. Right. And to give yourself some grace, we talked about experiences, you know, to cherish experiences to talk to one another. And this is a complex thing, but yet, you know, the reality is, and you and I are cancer survivors, thrivers warriors. I know that's the term you'd love to use. And it is a battle. And the battle is kind of going in our own psyche in our own solo mind. More than anyplace else, isn't it? Yeah,

right. Hey, yeah. And as you said, just take pleasure in those little things.

Okay, great. Well, as we go, this whole life is a journey. And during the journey, there's gonna be some detours and some bumps in the roads. There's gonna be some high moments, you know, some mountaintop moments are gonna be some low valleys. But enjoy, enjoy the journey, I think is one of the things I want to say and, and part of the journey that we want to be on here on the cancer and comedy podcast is helping people to navigate that with a sense of hope, and a bit of humor, to not, you know, to not take yourself all that seriously, but to take your situation seriously and to, and hopefully we can be helpful to that process. And I think I do want to say to those who are listening to us that, you know, are we are, among other things, trying to develop a community here along with on your website and our website here at Cancer and Comedy, that, you know, if you need somebody to talk to and be connected with reach out to us, yeah, we are, we are actually findable, and don't want one place to find us, is it to cancerandcomedy.com. And you can also find you at tryingnottodie.live, and they can reach out, can't they?

They can, you know, and it's I think, you know, especially at the holidays, having cancer, in many ways, it does make us feel very alone. And, you know, and or any point in time, I mean, you know, I remember someone posted on one, or commented on one of my Facebook posts one time, and he said, I have never felt so alone in my life. And it just broke your heart, you know, and immediately, people who this guy did not know jumped in and said, What can we do? You know, and I think that's kind of one of the things is, if you know that somebody's going through something like this, reach out to them, and let them know that, you know, as Brad just said, you know, you're there for them. If they need to talk at two o'clock in the morning, well, then Darren talk to him at two o'clock in the morning. Yeah. But yeah, it's it is one of those things, that we just have to be reached out.

Yeah. And, and to part of being resilient, part of being able to adjust to things is to understand that overwhelm is kind of natural, but we don't want to use you stay stuck and paid by the people who deal with the loneliness, the build loneliness, and that isolationism, which are considered me, basically pandemic in their own right, by many medical authorities, is to then don't stay stuck there to do something about it. So the idea here is, you know, the theme of your article was the overwhelming burden of cancer. But you don't have to; you have to in order to relieve the burden. You got to choose to cope with it, don't you? You have to do something about it.

Yeah, and like you said, acknowledging it is the first thing. And so then acknowledge it, feel it, live it, go through it. You know, you shared an article with me about grief. We're we're grieving the fact that our life is not going to be like we had thought it would be. So you know, it is perfectly fine to feel that. But as you said, Don't get stuck there. You know, I tell people, I have your pity party, but then I'll leave it behind.

Yeah. And that's, that's awesome. Well, let's leave it at this. Deb. Let's just say there's somebody who's listening to us, who's kind of feeling that overwhelming burden. You know, like I mentioned, in a couple of these podcasts that I listened to, some people that I know will be very, very overall positive and assertive personalities who are a little bit feeling the pressure of their circumstances. One was a business problem, and one was his health, taking a real turn for the worse. And it can happen to anybody I know what's happened to me, I know it's happened to you. But to let you say to somebody, listen to us, who's just feeling the kind of birth weight of the world on their shoulders, whether it's from cancer or something else. Just what kind of words of thoughts would you leave with you, as you reflect on this?

Change it, I think that probably is that the biggest thing is a tip to whatever degree you can, like we said, you know, somebody, maybe they're undergoing treatment, and they're, you know, they have to stay home or whatever it is, but reach out to people. It's been amazing to me through my journey, the people who have been there for me, many of them were people that I didn't even think knew I existed. And so you know, to reach out to them, and know that you can, and, you know, obviously, there are things like support groups, it might mean that you need counseling, or you know, something that is professional help. It shows how strong you are when you ask for help. And I think that's what so many people forget, they think it's a weakness. No, it is not when you say hey, I need help with this. You're showing just how strong you are.

And by asking for help in and of itself that can release some of the burden on you just by sharing, you know, sharing the burden with somebody else. Why not? Well, an awesome conversation and we look forward to more great conversations like this with Deb's career, from trying not to die to live as we go through this year. 2024 here at canceling comedy and other great conversations we're going to have with our great guests, and we're also looking more than anything else to continue to be mindful of the people who are listening to us, our lifter upwards we'd like to call you because we are just here to share this journey together of healing through hope and humor so thanks for joining us and we look forward to moving forward.