Practical Tips to Balance Cancer Life with Goal Setting and Joy

Deb, hey there lifter-uppers! I'm Deb Krier, the co-host of Cancer and Comedy, where our mission is to heal cancer-impacted people through hope and humor—something we like to call turning the grim into a grin. Well, today on Cancer and Comedy, we’re going to be talking about goal setting and cancer. We’re at the start of a new year, when many people are setting their goals for the year. So Dr. Brad and I are going to talk today about creating space in your life while living with cancer, in part by setting goals as a way to live a balanced life. Now here’s the host of Cancer and Comedy, Dr. Brad Miller.

Hey, Deb, great to be with you here as we embark on a new year of 2025 and have some great conversations together here on the Cancer and Comedy podcast. We really are looking to continue our process of developing a community of people who care for one another and help one another cope with hope here on our podcast. We’re all about helping people turn the grim of cancer into the grin of a fulfilled life, and that’s going to be part of what our conversation today is about. We hope people will get connected to us at our website, cancerandcomedy.com, and go to cancerandcomedy.com/follow to be a part of the community. Well, Deb, let’s start things off with a couple of bad dad jokes. What do you say?

I’m ready. I’m ready.

What did one DNA strand say to the other DNA strand?

I don’t know.

Do these genes make my butt look big?

[Laughs] Of course.

One more here: Why aren’t dogs good dancers?

I don’t know.

They have two left feet.

Of course, of course. There you go. Well, folks, following our conversation—because we do like to leave everyone with a grin—we will have another one of Dr. Brad’s bad jokes of the day. But of course, we’ll also have our very important Faith It or Break It segment. As we mentioned, we would love for you to be a part of our Cancer and Comedy community, where together we crush cancer with a message of how to cope with hope and humor. Please follow Cancer and Comedy at cancerandcomedy.com/follow.

Well, Deb, it’s right here—we’re recording this right at the very start of the new year, 2025. That’s a common time when people set, whatever you want to call them—goals, New Year’s resolutions, or recalibrating your life. These might be health goals, like losing five pounds, or financial goals, like getting a raise at work or paying off some debt. They could even be family-related, like going on a vacation or spending more time together.

But when you have cancer, boy, that throws everything into a whole new light, doesn’t it? Your perspective changes when you get that phone call saying you have cancer. For example, when people set goals at the New Year, one of the things that happens is that many neglect or abandon those goals. There’s even a certain day—I think it’s around January 15—they call it “Resolution Poof Day,” when many resolutions just disappear.

But cancer is something that doesn’t go away, does it? Even if you have a successful outcome with surgery or treatment, it’s still there in your mind. So tell me, are you a goal-setting person? A resolutions person? How does that work for you personally, and how has a cancer diagnosis thrown a wrench in that?

Right, right. Well, you know, I never really did resolutions, because I’d fall victim to “Poof Day.” So I finally gave up on those. I’ve certainly set business goals for many years, but I also set personal ones. For example, I told my husband that now that he’s retired, I want us to go out and do something once a week—whether it’s eating at a restaurant or visiting a park. I told him, “Shopping at Walmart doesn’t count.” We have to go out and do something so we don’t become hermits. That’s one of the goals I’ve set—to go out and do something. I also have goals to see more friends and maintain those relationships. But it’s kind of funny. Long-term goals become more elusive when you’re dealing with cancer. Maybe that’s the best way to put it. You’re not quite sure what you’ve got in terms of time or energy. But I know you’ve set some really good long-term goals, especially regarding your family.

Yeah. Well, I really think about this, this time of year. I was diagnosed with prostate cancer just a couple of days after Christmas a couple of years ago. And so this area... this... and I remember very clearly around the first of the year, well, it would have been the first of the year 2023, so two years ago, when I was in a kind of a bad state, you know. I was kind of... because the cancer diagnosis had really thrown off a lot of my goals and plans. That is, I had just retired, and my goals and plans revolved around travel and new adventures and reconnecting with family and some health-related goals. But they weren't about getting in shape, you know, and this kind of thing, rather than dealing with cancer.

And it really threw me off. And I was kind of in a place of... kind of some fog a bit around this time of year two years ago. And it took a time when I got together with my two granddaughters—is, I think, what you're... what we're talking about here. When we got together, and I could just try to... we took them out for a Christmas time outing, where we did the Happy Meals at McDonald's and did bowling and some things like that. Had some fun together, and they were giggling and laughing. Earlier, they were five and two at the time—five and three at the time—and the giggling, laughing. They had no cares in the world.

But I just had this vision of really wanting to see them as young women at ages like maybe 20 and 18, and going through graduating high school, whatever it would be. So they gave me a little clarity over the next few weeks about that. I had some things I needed to do, goal-wise, in terms of my cancer. And they also led me to kind of think about how I wanted to live my life, kind of with different sorts of intentions that, you know, with different sorts of directions and intentions that maybe I'd had before.

And I think cancer makes us kind of reevaluate and recalibrate things. So tell me when, you know, you said you had business goals and things like that—did cancer throw a wrench in all that kind of stuff for you? Or how’d that work out for you?

You know, it did. And it was interesting because I belonged to a wonderful mastermind group of five women, and we were talking about long-term business goals. And this was, you know, late last year, and, you know, talking about 10 years, 20 years in the future. And I realized, you know, we have no idea what the future holds, right? You know, I could easily do 10, 20 years. I could also get hit by a bus tomorrow.

But I did tell them, I said, you know, it is hard for me to plan 10 years into the future. You know, sometimes I’m just happy to get through the day and, you know, things like that. But their reaction... what was so interesting, because they saw the fact that I had trouble planning that far into the future as a negative—that I was manifesting not making it. And, you know, I thought about that for a while, and I told them later, because they realized that they had upset me.

And I said, you know, thank God that none of you have to deal with this. I said, but when you do have something like this to deal with, it is harder to plan long-term, you know. And hopefully, I’m not manifesting that I won’t make it to 10 years. But it does, you know, it kind of brings different challenges. It’s not the “Why bother?” thought process, but, you know, it is kind of a little bit.

And, but at the same point, I think we all should be planning for many, many years in the future and then maybe have backup plans. Like I said, sometimes my goal is, “Let’s get through the day.”

I think it’s interesting that the people in your mastermind... I assume that they hadn’t dealt with profound cancer situations or other health situations that you had, and that they were kind of a—for lack of a better term—kind of a “deal with it” or “get over it” kind of attitude almost. Is that fair at all? I don’t know if it is or not.

But, you know, and I’ll be honest, they’re some of my biggest cheerleaders, you know. And so... and I think maybe, yeah, that was it. They were wanting to really make me... you know, as cheerleaders... “No, you have to plan for 10 years and 20 years in the future.” You know, it was like... maybe.

Well, I just think there’s some nuances to encouragement. And, you know, encouragement... I think we all are called and need to be encouragers. And certainly, I think it’s a part of what our role and purpose here at Cancer and Comedy is all about—to try to encourage people, to help them to, you know, see things with a... you know, a cheerful heart is good medicine, as we like to say. And to see things with that kind of an uplifting attitude, and that’s a good thing. But the reality is, is that the cancer is kind of like that thing that looms over us. It’s kind of a cloud that’s over us.

That elephant, that shadow, that whatever.

Right, that’s there—that we have to come to terms with. And I think that’s where I’d like to go with our conversation for a few minutes here, Deb. How can we use kind of a goal-setting mindset or a futuristic mindset to help us come to terms with it?

I like to think in terms of, instead of goals like, “Within 90 days, I’m going to get through...” You know, there’s one set of goals, like if you have a 90-day series of treatments—if you’re going through chemo treatment every other week for 90 days. That’s one thing: to kind of tick off those days, those treatments. I know you’ve had to do some of that, where you’ve had to go through certain levels of treatments—you can tick those off.

But there’s another way of setting your kind of direction or your intention of how you do that. I think that’s one of the ways I’ve tried to see things a little bit differently, rather than trying to get through things to the next milestone. I try to set the direction or intention of how I do it and why I do it, so it has a little bit of attitude—a little bit of kind of the Attitude of Gratitude we’ve talked about.

That might be my goal now. Maybe more, not just to get to the... you know, I go for a checkup every six months or so. My goal might be not to be overwhelmed with anxiety but to be thankful and grateful for where I’m at as well. And so I think that’s kind of what I’ve heard somebody say in some presentation we looked at about “living over cancer,” right? Instead of living *with* cancer, you kind of enroll in it. It’s kind of hard not to. I don’t know—you tell me. Is what I’m sharing making any sense to you? Maybe it’s helpful to our lifter-uppers too.

Yeah, you know, and I think it does. It is. It’s obviously a challenge. But when we are really thinking about goals, we are thinking obviously about the future, you know. And again, maybe it’s a week, maybe it’s years from now. I know a lot of what happens is it does give you something to live for, you know. I remember when my grandmother was very ill. One of my cousins was having a difficult pregnancy, and so my grandmother’s goal was to see that baby be born. And, you know, she was going to do whatever it took to get to the point where she was able to hold that baby, and she did.

But yeah, I think that’s the thing that we need to keep in mind—goals should be positive, you know. And whether it’s you’re going to stop smoking, you’re going to lose 50 pounds, or, you know, whatever it is, it’s—you’re going toward a positive outcome. So you need to do a bit of a mind shift, like you were saying, to think, “Okay, what do I need to do to make sure that happens?” Whether it’s, you know, “I’m going to change and have a daily gratitude,” or “Eat better,” or “Make it through your treatments.” I think it is that mindset of, “I’m not going to let this defeat me.”

I think it may be an opportunity for us to revisit passions in our life or to see again what is important to us. Meaning, maybe you get so caught up in the goal-setting—you know, the things we talked about, whether it’s getting the raise at work, or losing the five pounds, or whatever—we get so caught up in the grind of that, or the “one,” we forget some of the things we are passionate about.

Maybe it’s in music or a hobby or something like that. You know, a long time ago, I was an old rock and roll DJ, and I started revisiting some of the songs I used to play on the radio—just kind of nostalgic music. I’ve always been into that, but just recently, I’ve been listening to it more and more, and I enjoy it. You know, I just heard the hits of 1978 the other day. Another one of those brought me back to the era when I was playing music and things like that.

But my point is, maybe cancer... I think part of our goal-setting process here is to help us cope with cancer in such a way that, yes, it’s there, but let’s try to find a way to make space for other stuff in our life—not to be consumed by it. And I think goal-setting and prioritizing and setting different intentions and directions can help us do that, especially if we do it intentionally. Right? Does this make any sense to you? Maybe there are some things in your life where you’ve intentionally said, “I’m going to do something besides dwell on ‘Poor me, I’ve got to go through cancer treatment’ or whatever it is.”

Yeah, you know, I think it’s always good to focus on the positive. And it is hard, especially if we’re in the throes of, say, treatment or surgeries or things like that. But what can we think of that is good to get us through that? I keep thinking about, say, your granddaughters. Your goal is to see them be 18 and 20. Well, maybe another goal is that you’re going to save $10 a week toward their wedding fund or something like that.

What are the things, as you said, that kind of get us out of thinking, “Oh my God, I have cancer,” to “What are the positives?” And for some, maybe the goal is, “I’m going to walk a mile every day.” I saw that as one of the recent things going around on Facebook—“Let’s do a mile a day.” And for a lot of people, including me, that would be a lot.

Well, yeah, and I think what you're saying is, do something productive and helpful to somebody else.

Cooking classes, maybe, you know, all sorts of things, because it does get easy to sit and feel sorry for ourselves.

I think something else we can do here is just say, okay, what brings me joy? Or what have I felt joy in the past I may want to revisit? Because if you deal with cancer, it can be grim. As we like to say, turn the grim to grin. It can be pretty grim, but let's go to a place of joy, and that might be a thing that we can do. And, you know, all right, then do something productive. I love your idea there about doing something for the people in life, for your important fact.

I've done some of that. I collect photographs and moments of my two grandchildren. I have a place, kind of some files I've set aside, that I plan to give them when they both turn either 16 or 18—I haven’t decided yet. I'm going to give them this, like a binder of all kinds of things that just kind of I've done with them, particularly for them. And so, that's one of the things I have done that I thought about even before I had cancer but have been much more intentional about since I've had cancer.

I love that you thought of that. I think something else we can do here is just what you've already touched on—pay more attention. You know, when we were in the grind of life, getting the goals accomplished, sometimes we let things slip by. And I think if our intention, if our goal of intention, is to pay attention, then we can enjoy life as it is even more so.

Right, right. You know, and maybe it's that you see a flower blooming in the snow, right? You know, as we're talking, you're where it's snowing like crazy. You know what? If you see a cardinal—one of the things I know a lot of people say is that when you see a cardinal, it means it's an angel visiting you. You know, just all sorts of things like that.

And, you know, I tell people, if you have a bucket list, don't put it off. Why are you putting it off? Or people always have the "when we retire, we're going to do X" type of things, so why not do them now? I was talking to somebody, and she said her goal was to travel extensively around the world, but she was probably not going to be able to do that for a variety of reasons. And I said, "So, why can't you go to local museums? Why can't you read books and things like that?" It had never occurred to her that maybe she could just shift her goal into something that was more doable.

I think that's an important point we can share with our audience: shift your perspective. You know, it’s true—if you have cancer, you may not be able to physically do some of the things you once thought you could do.

Or anybody. Maybe you just can't afford it.

It could be any number of reasons. It could be health—any number of reasons. But if you can shift your perspective based on your present presence...

And I think that's a part of what I want to share: when you think of goal setting, it's not just about a future orientation. It's about being really present right now, making the most of where you're at, and enjoying your circumstances here. It’s about acceptance. It's kind of an acceptance of your present circumstances. It's not resignation; it's not giving up. That’s not what we're talking about here. But it’s kind of accepting your present circumstances.

Do make a difference. What do you think, Deborah? Some practical helps we can give to our lifter-uppers who may be sharing our time here—what are a couple of practical applications they can use in their life to set their intention here in this new year?

I think one of the things you mentioned is to be intentional, you know. And so write it down. Write down the good, write down the bad. Whether you're journaling, whether you're doing a gratitude journal—whatever it is. Because if you were grateful for it, well, why the heck can’t you do it again? And if it was something negative or bad, how can you make sure that doesn’t happen again? Even if it’s just something pretty simple, how can you try to make sure that doesn’t happen again?

So, yeah, just... and then review those things. Maybe that’s what you do every December. You go back through and look at things. One of the things I always... and, you know, we didn’t have kids, so I didn’t do this, but I have a friend who has the big jar, right? And when something good happens, they write it down, put it in the jar, and then review that. I love that idea. You look back and see what it was. Maybe it’s something really simple. Maybe you won the lottery—who knows? But, yeah, be grateful for all of that and just take the time to do that. And especially if maybe you’re having a bad time, go back and think, "What good things?"

And the jar thing can be basically a self-affirmation thing. Too many times we go with that "poor me" kind of a mindset—what's gone wrong. Maybe you can write down or just say, what's going right. And you don't have to have kids to do that. It could be on your own or with a spouse or with a friend or a small group or whatever—just to reflect on what's right.

The practical thing I would share with people is to understand they have choices. And I would categorize the choices into the "who" and the "how." The "who" is about the choice you always have in terms of who you are in whatever circumstances. You choose if you're going to be the person who people find to be always the complainer and the whiner, or the person who people enjoy being around because you add value in some form or another. That's the "who you are."

And then the "how" is about how you interact with the world—how you engage with people. Are you going to be a positive force, or are you going to be kind of a drag on things? So, the "who" and the "how," I believe, are some of the choices that we make.

I think it does revolve around choices, and I'm big on that—choices based on values that are helpful. If you have those kinds of values, you're just going to have more fun in life, no matter what. Like you said, Deb, no one has... You know, we all have an expiration date, but we don't know what it is. We don't get a free pass.

We literally don't know when it is. I've known people who had major diseases but lived another 30-plus years after they were supposed to have been gone. Quick story—I knew a fellow in one of my churches who was wounded very badly in World War II. He was almost killed, shot a number of times in a battle, and was in a body cast for months. It was bad stuff. But he lived to be 93 years old or something like that, and he was 19 when he was almost killed. My point is, you just never know.

And then there are other situations. In my own community, there was a situation where someone was killed in a car accident who was a teenager. You just don't know. You just don’t know. So, have value in your life the way it is.

I think there's some good things to share here. My encouragement to people is to embark on a new year with a sense of open-mindedness. What are the possibilities? Not, "What are the negatives?" Not, "What are the things that push us down?" Cancer can be one of those things—it can push us down. But, what are the possibilities? So, I look forward to that. Are you looking forward to this year?

I am. I certainly am. And I think the thing we need to remember is our caregivers’ goals, right? And help them. What are they thinking about?

All right, that sounds good. Well, let's encourage our lifter-uppers to have a fantastic 2025 and move forward to help everybody transform whatever grim in their life to a grin. Here on Cancer and Comedy.

I love it! Well, and speaking of grins, do you have another one of your bad jokes of the day?