Practical Care for Caregivers with Todd Keitz from My Care Friends

Dr. Brad Miller 0:00

Our guest today on Cancer and Comedy is Todd Keitz. Todd Keitz has the website and the advocacy group mycarefriends.com, and tell me something good or uplifting or positive, or something puts a smile on your face that's happened to you.

Todd Keitz 0:18

I recently did a podcast for caregiving insights episode with a former governor of Wisconsin, he cared for his wife for 19 years with Alzheimer's. He was a delight to have on the show.

Dr. Brad Miller 0:33

It's good to hear these uplifting moments in this read like we like to talk about hearing cancer and comedy, but it also comes because people will have some challenges in their life, and you were involved kind of in your life was perking along pretty good. Some things happen in your life, your business, and your personal life. We were going along. Okay, and then some family matters came along that kind of changed your plans a little bit. So tell us a bit about what happened to you that kind of changed the course and perspective that led you eventually to create mycarefriends.com.

Todd Keitz 1:05

Sure. So, like many people we have, we have different court changes or pivots. The one that happened in 2018, I was, as you say, living life, and I was in California, where I had lived a lot of my adult life FaceTiming with my mom and saw things weren't good. I came for a visit to Florida. Within three weeks, her health just went way down and started with one hospitalization and then 17 hospitalizations in the next 22 months for her, and I never had a chance to ever look at anything else. It was just caregiving and advocating for her.

Dr. Brad Miller 1:42

So in that process, it sounds like you the decision to relocate to Florida to be near her and to, so that's enough people right there, isn't Todd to shift your life where you live and so on and what you were doing.

Todd Keitz 1:56

It is yeah, this is a topic that people ask me about a lot. And it's one that was it happened, there was never a chance really to consider going back there. Because every time she'd get out of the hospital, go through rehab, some more tests, and so forth. Something else would happen. So two and a half, three years later, it's like okay, um, and then my dad got sick.

Dr. Brad Miller 2:21

So you had to then see you had to do something about that. And so let me ask it did that period of time when you had to make that transition, that upheaval of time was or parts about that, that were some thoughts in your mind that hey, this does it, you know, this is unfair, or trying to negotiate any kind of a different situation? Or was it pretty cut and dried that you are moving back and you are going to be invested in your mom and eventually your dad in, their health situations?

Todd Keitz 2:49

Yeah, there was never a question in my mind that I was going to be here. They gave me life. They've been wonderful to me throughout my life. And it's the circle of life, in my opinion. So I'm grateful and honored to be able to enable them to live in their home.

Dr. Brad Miller 3:05

So part of what you're about is to help that to happen. So in order for that to happen, what are some of the actions that you took, obviously, a big one was moving back home. But then you got to get into the kind of the nitty-gritty of how you actually do this, you know, how do you manage things? How do you manage healthcare? How do you manage perspective, but what are some of the actions that you took to help facilitate care for your mom, and eventually your dad as well?

Todd Keitz 3:34

In great part, if not all, I've been the transportation I, I've taken on all the roles. At times when I travel, I have a team that I've put together. And that can change from time to time that I have covering for me take care of making sure they get to mince, going listening, being there understanding what's going on to the medication management, especially for my mom, because she has so many reading test results, calling doctors I'm not bashful. So that's one of the things that I always talk about in terms of patient advocacy is asking questions, keep asking, keep asking and stay on top of stuff.

Dr. Brad Miller 4:13

Yeah, because it seems like and see what your experience is Toward that end, the medical world that you know, especially when there's multifaceted issues at hand, that is sound like with your mother, that is the health issues, you have different doctors and different medical systems even. And it doesn't seem like there's always as good a communication or could be, and the integration of that is kind of up to the patient of their patient advocate. First of all, do you agree with that statement? And if so, how have you chosen to kind of navigate a Tod? What were some of the actions that you took? Maybe especially in those initial stages when you're making this transition to be the care to be the caregiver of your mom and your dad? What was when they actions that you took that made it kind of a shift in at, you know how you did life for you and for them? And what were some of the actions that you took to apply your skills to their lives?

Todd Keitz 5:11

I put aside a technology business that I had. And I focused 100% on my mom taking her to every appointment that was necessary. And there were a lot tracking what tests were being done, talking to the doctors, talking to the nursing staff, scheduling everything, just pretty much staying on top of absolutely everything. It was something that I knew I could do.

Dr. Brad Miller 5:37

Do what you needed to do. Did you find that your technology world that you are in? Did you find that to be helpful at all and organizational skills or anything else to apply to your situation?

Todd Keitz 5:48

Yeah. So, as my family would tell you, since I was a kid, I've been a list person. So I've been a really organized person forever.

Dr. Brad Miller 5:59

I'm just curious about how your life had to shift in terms of your career, you said going to technology, you said you had to set that aside? Does that mean you gave up the business or your employment? I just How did that work out for you?

Todd Keitz 6:14

That was a technology startup that I co founded with my dad and my brother, I was CEO of that company and raised capital, we built our software process, we patented the process and so I had to put that to the side and there was really never a thought or time for a thought of what am I going to do with that at this point. And at that point in time for a couple years. That was my job. Okay. 24/7 caretaking caregiving for my mom.

Dr. Brad Miller 6:46

As we talk about serving people in these situations, people who are dealing with cancer themselves are the people who care for the people deal with cancer at other bad health situations. There is an advocacy is sometimes impact often impacted by people's life, their love, their work, their livelihood, heir financial circumstances. Those are all factors here. And it sounds like in a way that you had that in a position, at least, as you say, set that aside for the moment and really focus. And that's really important to be able to focus there because it takes a lot doesn't it Todd, it takes a lot to care for someone who has been impacted by severe health care.

Todd Keitz 7:27

Absolutely. You hear stories about this, you go through life, and you hear people dealing with all sorts of illness, cancer, certainly being one that's so prevalent, you just don't realize till you're in those shoes, what it really takes and when I say what it takes not just from the caregiving advocacy component, but the emotional, physical, financial, all the other components that go along with it. It's intense.

Dr. Brad Miller 7:53

Yesterday, my wife had to take my mother-in-law to a medical appointment of Claire across town, we live in Indianapolis, but basically to get across from where we live to the place of the medical facility was that is about an hour drive away clear across the city. And it was snowing and stuff here yesterday, almost pulling into the parking lot of the facility after going to pick up her mother and doing all that kind of thing, she got a call that the appointment was canceled. So in that process, my wife also had to take time off from work and all kinds of other things that she had to do. So she wasn't a happy camper, when that all happened, because life does happen. Whereas planning is saved your life is a good thing. And yet, we also have to be kind of a little bit of crisis management people you dealt with the crisis of your parents there and you then you were in a position, we're able to do that. And so what am I talking about a little bit is how you deal with some of the emotions of that and how you deal with some of the other aspects of that. So tell me was one of the things that I think is important is ones in our life, one's mental health one spiritual directions, things like this. How did anything along that line, your mental health, your emotional health, spiritual directions, how did any of that come to play and to caretaking for your mom and your dad?

Todd Keitz 9:15

My mental health just has been really solid for a long, long time, wherever so you know, mid 90s common experiences, you get married, divorced. And during that I went through a rough period. But I really learned a lot about myself so much stronger. On the other end, I always thought I was strong. But going through that and everything that that entailed. I came out a lot stronger in all different ways. And so the spiritual side for me, I'm not religious, so to speak. Certainly, it was a factor no in terms of meditation. And that was something that I really became a part of my life at that point in time. And that was very helpful as I was going through all of this craziness with my folks.

Yeah, do you mind sharing a little bit about how that manifests itself did you have like a daily practice of meditation or something along this line, or some I

do, it is a daily every day. And that could be for two minutes, it could be for five minutes, it could be for half an hour, it just depends on the day. As long as I get a little bit of it in there,

tell me then a little bit about how to discipline that mental and spiritual discipline through meditation, which then becomes applicable to your caretaking of your mom and your dad. And then eventually, we'll get an how that may be applicable to the services that you offer now, but how's that

I blend that in different ways. I can give you some examples during that craziness with my mom, those 17 hospitalizations, 100-150 nights with her in a hospital. And there was a lot of not just okay, tests. And so it was a lot of movement and craziness. So what I was able to do, that's the beautiful part about having a meditation practice, even if you don't, and I talked to people all the time, it can simply be just go find a corner, close your eyes, calm your mind, think of a beautiful beach that you love to enjoy. Think of a mountain you love to hike, just take 260 seconds and tried to it's amazing what that will do. So during these various crises, especially with my mom, that's what I would do. If we were in the hospital, I'd go find a corner away from everybody I'd find a little room, and that's how I would apply it in those moments.

And because it can be worried out to end be taxing on our mental health, all that waiting, all that lingering. And whether it's in the hospital room with a weenie room or walk in the hallways of a medical facility. That can be a tough time can't it to manage that

absolutely part the waiting but part also just I was very at the same time very hyper focused on catching up with doctors and nurses and people that I needed to at, you know, the hospital where she was. And so it was more the tiring part, that was the part that was really difficult because I didn't want anything to go by. And by being there with her, we avoided a lot of potential issues that I know come up for a lot of people in hospitals because I you know, wait a second, why are you doing that test? There's no you know, can you explain to me why?

Well, yeah, no part of that, though. Is that just to kind of when you apply the meditation, so on to that kind of thing? You got it, especially if you're the eyes and ears for your mom, and those doctors come in, and sometimes it was teams of them coming in to the hospital room, you got to be there. And sometimes you can wait whatever, two or three hours, many hours. And if you miss some because you went down to get a drink or something, you've missed your two-minute window. And that's tough to take, isn't it, especially if you put a lot of appropriate pressure on yourself to be the eyes and ear

often concerned to do just what you said, I'm gonna go down to the cafeteria to get a little bit and even bring it back up, and you're just

Yeah, it's amazing. That way, I mean, I go my daughter's 37. But when she was born 37 years ago, I was in many, many hours, labor and all that stuff, any of my point is I went down to get a cup of orange juice and came back and it was happening. And I almost missed the birth of my child. Because I was gone for 10 minutes to get an orange juice. But those kind of memories come back. But I also, on the flip side, in recent months, both my mother and my mother-in-law have had extended hospitalizations for weeks at a time. You just got to be there and, you know, to listen and to learn, especially if there's anything else going on. When you're sick. It's hard to concentrate on one thing. And in other cases, people have hearing issues. And sometimes there's language barriers and things like that. And there are just things that you got to do. I think that you got to do as an advocate. And it sounds like you've really taken that to heart. And that's a good thing. But Todd, tell me about any. I'm sorry, you were gonna say something there.

So I agree completely. Yeah. And I know, one comment before we go to the next part, it's, I realized that, you know, I've been blessed, so to speak, that I that I'm able to do what I can do for them. And there are a great majority of people who cannot, and we'll talk a little bit later about why I'm doing what I'm doing.

Yeah, well, and that just goes to the whole gamut of things especially I'm come from a career in ministry and so many of the people I worked with or you know, had proper insurance and so on and a whole bit but some didn't. Well let's do Shift to what you do. Now how you mentioned you have a career background and technology and now you focus your energy on your on your mom and your dad and but you decided to do something about it. And that's how you serve other people now. So tell me a little story about how what you did that led you to develop mycarefriends.com.

I'm going to I'm going to tie it into. And then my dad, three months after my mom stabilized after he was diagnosed with cancer, and so he was diagnosed with the high grade bladder cancer went through initial concurrent round of chemo, radiation. It spread, he was told he had a year on average went through another round of targeted radiation and chemo. And then the first scan came back. And it was clear, and everybody was surprised the doctor said, this really just doesn't happen, waited, waited, I guess a month or two had another one and it confirmed it. So you know, you're always not sure. So it was recalibrating life at that point, because at that point, I was planning, okay, my dad's got a year left, let's make sure everything's in place, make sure for my mom, for the family, etc. And then when the good news happened is like, do you really believe it? And you have to start recalibrating life after the first couple of scans. That's when I started to see light reading a blog called one day one week.com that I created a podcast called caregiving insights. And I still, I realized, during that time, there continued to be clear scans for my dad and my mom continued to be stable, relatively, they still have a lot going on. But then I saw the bigger opportunity, which was I want to reach the masses. I want to provide knowledge and know how and how do I do that? So because of my background, the technology company, I went to a friend of mine, and I said, I have an idea. This is what it is. And it was for my care friends.com, which is what launched just this past August of 2023. And she said, Yeah, let's I love this. And I love what to do with it. And on the edge of the desk, it took us and then I added a couple of longtime friends to the team. And yeah, we launched it to community for a free community, online for caregivers and patient advocates.

And so kind of what's if people go to My Care Friends, what are they going to find? What's the mission? What are you trying to accomplish there? You mentioned how it's for these folks, but what are what are we going to try to get done there?

Yeah, so the mission is threefold. First part of the mission is the online community, where patient advocates, caregivers, and loved ones really anybody can go on, create a free account. And there are groups, and they're both caregiving advocacy groups, and also personal interest groups, the caregivers, advocates, loved ones can go on and connect with each other, they can share information resources, and so in any of those, so it could be anything from Alzheimer's to cancer, to activities of daily living on the healthcare side of things to fitness, travel music, on the personal interest side of things. Because what I continued to hear, over and over from people that I'd come across, the caregivers would say, we want people who understand what we're going through, we just want to connect with them. And that so that's the first part. That's the online community. There's also news and online events there. The second part is to provide programming that provides relevant, timely knowledge and know how to help people, caregivers, advocates, do their job, their responsibilities better. And because there's a lot of misinformation out there, there's a lot of bad information out there connections we are, we're collaborating right now on 12 different programs that we're going to be doing this year, and 2024. So it's really exciting. And then the third prong of my care friends is to move forward the needle in terms of local, regional and national National Advisory Council, which we're really excited about.

Yeah, lots of fascinating stuff here. It really is, in a way kind of a one stop shop for people who are find themselves in this circumstance, you know, they are either sick themselves or their caregiver on the caregivers, you know, you can have this situation where I could see how other people like medical professionals, or mental health professionals could use this as a resource to point their patients or their clients to as a real possibility. Because you know, I think it see what you think Todd I think things such as loneliness, and isolationism, and a sense of being I'm kind of in this alone and I got to an Ohio direction. I think there's a lot of that going on a lot of loneliness, a lot of pain that way. It seems to me like you're trying to provide a service here that can speak to that need as well.

Yeah, you're right on point with that. That's, that is at the top of the list for everybody I've come across in these past almost six years when I go went to the clinic again, which is every week I'll be going later today tomorrow with my mom. And I talked to people, it's interesting. The loneliness is a really important component to it. They feel alone. So there's feeling alone and loneliness. They're tied together. And but another word is isolated. They feel very isolated. And so when I go into a clinic and I, there's people in line or sitting in a waiting area, I will say, typically to the caregiver, I will say, How's it going? And they'll say, Well, my mom or my dad or my sister, my brother, whatever they're doing, okay. That's great. I said, But I'm asking you, How's it go? Because they're not used to that. Yeah, right. Instantly, like, Oh, my God somebody cares about.

That's amazing. I know that my son who he is a hospice worker in home hospice worker, he comes in and to these people's homes, primarily, and sometimes in health care facilities. But he talks to everybody. I've seen him do it because of See I've been in these places when he's doing it. He talks to everybody, not just the patient, he's working on staff, they all know him. He's he's the one telling dumb jokes as part of how that kind of a family thing we like to have fun until dumb till dumb jokes and cut up and that kind of stuff. But my point is, he is by far the most requested and popular caregiver in his network, by a longshot, because people say there's Adam coming, we want him. And it's not just the cancer patient with person being served the hospice situation, but it's the family members who are requesting that because of because of that there. So that's my own personal story. And it sounds like you've had these stories as well. So for people that are finding connections here, so tell me a story. Then talk about how this has worked. I'd like to hear a story about how a person or situation has been served by your, by your website, or by the pro services that you offer.

It works for the good when people go on, they'll join a group, they're looking for information on how do I advocate for a loved one with cancer? How do I you know, what is the best way to speak with physicians to co-create the experience with your care team, because that's a really important topic. And so they can go onto the site, they can go into the group, there's different groups, they could go into a group called perspectives, they can go into the group called cancer, and they start sharing and going learning from each other. So that's the general kind of way that people can go in

And it looks like you've gathered a pretty good team of people. I noticed your website, it's not just you, and maybe one other person doing this. This is a team of some pretty credentialed people who are providing care here on your website. Is that the case?

Yeah, we've been really fortunate. In the past four and a half months since the launch a lot, it's really taken a trajectory in ways that is just going like this. I am grateful people have come to us and asked us, hey, we want to be a part of this. We want to collaborate with you. How can we collaborate? So yeah, for instance, we have Dr. Raj Dasgupta, who is based out in Los Angeles, he's a leading voice on various topics, including sleep, medicine, sleep health, it also pulmonology critical care. And we have a new group online called sleep by Dr. Raj. And so we've partnered with him. We collaborated with him on a webinar in October, we're collaborating with him here. We just spoke with him last night, he gave me a call. And we're going to be working on some other things. And we're doing that with with others that will be launched this year, which I can't share yet.

Yeah, but still cool. This is not a well-thought-out strategic effort to provide every facet of care to people, the medical side image motion side, the places speaking to their isolationism, that type of thing. And I know she even has some products on there and some news and people can go and just research and just be more informed. There's a lot of healthcare facilities, a lot of healthcare providers, but still, in a way, there's not a lot of information about the how to deal with it, how to actually do it, and if that's your experience or not.

Absolutely find that to be the case and to your point about information. So certainly they can go on the website share with each other in the communities, they can read the news articles that are relevant that we pull in. They have the events that are we curate their online events on all varying topics. And you mentioned the marketplace, they can certainly go into the marketplace. The programs we're developing are on a wide variety of topics and they're not just going to be the typical delivery of them, meaning we're going to talk about autoimmune diseases. Well, we're focusing one of the programs is women in autoimmune disease, it is significant and there's a lot of issues that come along with that. So we're going to be addressing the issues in terms of pre diagnosis, diagnosis and post diagnosis and how to handle those. Also, for end of life, we're doing a whole series on real life and grief planning for it, not just waiting for it to happen. It's how do you handle the conversations before why it's so important healing mentally, emotionally, spiritually, to talk about this before it actually happens. And then, as I mentioned there 10 other topics that will also

You are also using a podcast to help get the word out about this though, if people go to caregiving insights, what kind of things are they gotta hear a caregiving insights? Is this a? How does this express to your mission as well?

Yeah, thanks. So caregiving Insights is a channel on YouTube, it is meant to bring thought leaders on a particular topic, or somebody who has a much larger platform than my care friends or myself, that can reach a larger audience about certain topics. So the couple of weeks ago, when we had the Governor, former governor of Wisconsin, Martin Schreiber, a wonderful man, he cared for his wife for 19 years with Alzheimer's before she passed away a couple years ago. His insight is incredible. He wrote a book called my two lanes. And we talked about the book and his takeaways, because he had all these takeaways for people. And it's very much looking at the male side of things, male caregivers of their loved ones who have Alzheimer's. So that's a unique look at it, patient programs for pharmaceutical companies. So you know, there's all these and trials, how do people get involved? When should they get involved? What should they ask and so forth? You don't see a lot of that out there. And so it's important to help people that way. So those are a couple of examples.

Has or how have you seen things like humor or uplifting stories somehow come into play in the healing process? Or the process to be supportive of caregivers? Is this anything you could share with us along this line humor or uplifting stories or hope filled stories?

I think I can be a really funny guy. But I have to admit going through this at times, it's really hard to be funny.

It can be grim at times.

Yeah. So when, when is it? When is it appropriate to be funny when? Or how do you deliver it and so that becomes an art humor, similar to physical exercise, it helps it helps you release the toxins and the bad energy that's in there. When you're going through stuff. I did one episode of caregiving insights on comedy, it was comedy and caregiving. And that was with a friend of mine in Philadelphia, who has organized comedy shows I'm and he works for a nonprofit, and called Mercy neighborhood ministries in Philadelphia. And we chatted about the importance of comedy. And so that's why speaking to you is great, because, I definitely agree, it's a really important topic.

Well, on that line, tell me about a switch, what story that you just remember, either out of your own experience, or maybe some of you've talked to that was kind of a humorous or a uplifting story.

It's interesting. So you know, when you're in the difficult situations, as we mentioned, it's hard to find the humor, but I can remember, there was one time with my mom, and we had just been at Cleveland Clinic where she gets all of her care here in Florida, we were driving home. And then as we got onto a cloverleaf to get on to the rest of the get home, we got to call, she had to come back in she had no immunity, her immune system was depleted, we had to get her back to isolation. So I just said that to her, and she said, take the other leaf, and we got

So you just did a loop, loop the loop as it were, and just turned this car around, right, and just got hit on back. So that's no back, Todd, if I was a person in, that I encounter, or that encounters out there, who and I say to them, you know, it sounds like you could use some resources here that you might find that mycarefriends.com Why should I send them there? And what are they going to find? And how can you be helpful to that caregiver, or that circumstance that they find themselves in.

so sending them to my care friend, and it's a safe, secure community that they can connect with other like minded like spirited, like challenged individuals. In caregiving and advocacy roles. It's a place where they can call home, they can go and communicate, they can get information that they need.

His name is Todd Keitz, and his site is mycarefriends.com. He also has the YouTube channel Caregiving Insights. Todd, thank you for being our guest today on Cancer and Comedy.