Laugh Before You Leap: Strategies for Appropriate Humor in Serious Situations

Deb: [00:00:00] Hey there, LifterUppers. I'm Deb Krier, the co host of Cancer and Comedy, where our mission is to heal cancer impacted people through hope and humor. Something we like to call turning the grim into a grin. Today on Cancer and Comedy, we're going to talk about what to do and what not to do before you laugh.

Deb: Now, here's the host of Cancer and Comedy, Dr. Brad Miller.

Brad: Hey! What a joy and a privilege to be with you, Deb, and all of our lifter uppers, our Cancer and Comedy audience, as we continue to build a community of people who are looking to turn the grim of a cancer diagnosis or being impacted somehow by cancer or some other bad adversity in life, and turn it into a grin.

Brad: The grin just simply means to celebrate life. Enjoy life to the fullest, whatever that means, and to the fullest extent of that. So we were all about helping people to heal with hope and [00:01:00] humor. And we'd love for people to get connected to our community that we're building here at Cancer Comedy. You just simply go to cancerandcomedy.

Brad: com Follow. Hey Deb, how about a couple of how about a couple of really bad dad jokes? Are you ready for those?

Deb: I wait all week for those. I'm

Brad: sure that you do. What do you call a cow with no legs?

Deb: I don't know.

Brad: Ground beef.

Brad: One, one more. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where's popcorn? Where's popcorn? Cute,

Deb: cute, cute. I love these. You're the life of every party. Oh,

Brad: You've, you got to believe it. You got to believe it. So as are you. I know you are. I know you are.

Deb: Oh yeah. As much as we love this, I have to warn you, following our conversation, you're going to want to stick around because we will have [00:02:00] another one of Dr.

Deb: Brad's Bad Joke of the Day. But, then we turn serious with our Faith It and Break It segment. As we said, we would love for you to be part of our Cancer and Comedy community, where together we crush cancer with a message of how to cope with hope and humor. Please follow Cancer Comedy.

Brad: Thank you, Deb. I appreciate that good word. And today we're talking about understanding the thought about what kind of inhibits laughter, what maybe holds us back from having a perception of life that's a little bit more of the positive or lighter side. And we'd like to say a cheerful heart is good medicine as part of what we say here.

Brad: Sometimes we have to think a little bit because sometimes in our psyche we have been given different messages in life that kind of inhibit us from laughter. And so today we are really talking about what [00:03:00] to think about, what to do before you laugh or Before, before you respond to laughter. So have you ever had the experience of maybe growing up or any time in life where someone wants to squash humor by something phrase, something like, Hey, wipe that smile off your face or stop smirking or that laughter is inappropriate at this time or something like that.

Brad: Tell me about that. Has that ever happened to you or is that a part of anything that you've experienced in life?

Deb: Oh, yeah. No I'm always having that happen. And, there are times where I think, as an adult, I have people that, that are doing that. But, yeah, frequently. It was, wipe that smile off your face.

Deb: I think that's, one of the things, or, just thinking, or, you start to crack a joke or even smile and you get the dirty look,

you

Deb: know and, and I'll be honest, sometimes it was in church, the minister or in class, things like that, where I would. They wouldn't even know what I [00:04:00] was going to say.

Deb: I'd start to open my mouth and I'd get the look, and yeah, I think we it's a curious thing because there's definitely appropriate and inappropriate times when we need to laugh, but I think we have. Quashed humor sometimes when maybe we shouldn't have.

Brad: Sometimes there's a framework in the sense of there's certain places, sometimes humor seems and problem.

Brad: You mentioned church. Oftentimes people see churches, serious austere place. . The classroom is another place, a stop laughing, the class or whatever it would be or the business place, things like that. And certainly sometimes hospital rooms or waiting rooms or treatment areas.

Brad: There's certain times when it just seems people do not want to hear or do not want to be around that type of thing. And yet there is a role for humor as we know, and what we do talk in our podcast and then sometimes it needs to be a little bit, think it through a little bit first before we engage.

Brad: And that's part of what we're talking about here. [00:05:00] But maybe there's some ways we can do that intelligently. I was interested in some of the research we did for this. That, there was even historically there was a role for certain people who make humor a professional thing. For instance, I know of people who are basically humorous or clowns or entertainers who go, to like children's hospitals or hospitals, they're actually dressed as clowns.

Brad: The Ronald McDonald House is one example of that. People go as, dressed around as clowns or other entertainers, could be people with music and so on and go around and do that place. Even historically, the court jester was a historical role. To lighten, lighten things up.

Brad: In the midst of really bad stuff that, that, that was happening. And yet sometimes it seems like the role is reversed here in what we talk about here in the, in that if we want to have the power of humor and healing, we need to find a way to do this. Appropriately. So here's what I would just say to us here as we talk here.[00:06:00]

Brad: There is a role for the fool.

Deb: I love it.

Brad: What do you think is the appropriate role of the fool at times? Just tell me your reaction to that statement.

Deb: As we've discussed before, it lightens the mood, and especially when, Things are very tense and they can be very tense. And sometimes it's appropriate, sometimes it's not appropriate.

Deb: I tend to joke quite a bit and sometimes my doctors don't always get it. And as we say, sometimes we need to read the room, but, it's sometimes we just use humor. Obviously to lighten things up. And, I w I was talking to somebody who said, they, their spouse was told they had five years to live.

Deb: And he said damn it. I have stuff planned in 10 years. And something little like that, it, is. And now if the doctor had said, you only have five years, so don't plan anything for 10 years, that might not have gone over as well.

Deb: [00:07:00] So yeah, that's the thing is we can poke fun at ourselves and our situation, but.

Deb: Sometimes it really falls flat if somebody else's is doing it. Now, maybe it's the loved one, the loved one could say, but I planned a trip in 10 years. Things like that. I think it is read the room,

Brad: read the room. That's a good way of putting it there. And yet sometimes I think we can Plants update and maybe take a little bit of a risk and that's you got to take a Calculated risk as it were in certain things I was reading the book by Alan Klein the healing power of humor and he tells a story about a couple that were going to visit the in laws at Christmas time, and the in laws were unhappy about something, there was some family drama of some sort, but they decided to take a risk.

Brad: And when they went to visit, they, when they went to visit, the family members who were not that happy for the holidays, they dressed up like Christmas elves, both the men and women did. And they had, the green tights and the [00:08:00] pointy shoes and the whole bit. And they came in as Christmas elves, the elf on the shelf thing.

Brad: And they entered the house, they entered and it lightened the mood and it broke up some of the tension that, that, that was there. And I just think there's a place for that. And sometimes there's appropriate risk to take. I'll give you a note. I'll give you one more Christmas sort of story that comes comes to mind in my life.

Brad: And several years ago I went with my daughter, my, my daughter and I were living in separate places. She was about 12 from a blended family situation, divorce situation. She was in another city and she flew in for Christmas. But anyhow, I went to meet her at the airport dressed as Santa, but she didn't know that.

Brad: And I in the airport and the receipt, the Disembarking area as Santa and I've got, a candy canes and so on. I'm giving out there. There's other kids gathering around and I'm getting candy canes and whatnot and having fun with that. And my daughter comes out, she doesn't recognize me and then I follow her around a [00:09:00] little bit and she's looking for me as dad, but not as Santa Claus.

Brad: But when she finally had that, so she was concerned. It's a little bit upset even that I wasn't there to meet her as dad, but. But then she suddenly got right in front of her face at Santa Claus and she was trying to like, get out of my face, Santa Claus. But then she realized who it was and she burst out laughing because she realized that I just really pulled one over on her and that was a lot of fun.

Brad: What I'm trying to say is it worth the risk sometimes to try to inject a little humor even when there's maybe a little bit of tension there? What do you think?

Deb: Yeah, that's a tricky question because sometimes it, there, it, there can really be a backlash, not to get political, but we saw where, just a couple of days ago from when we have recorded this, a political candidate had a comedian that had a couple jokes that did not go over well.

Brad: Truly in poor taste. Truly in very poor taste.

Deb: And and it alienated people. There's been a lot [00:10:00] of backlash from that. And his comment afterwards was, people just need to get a sense of humor.

His

Deb: comment should have been, I'm very sorry, and so I think, and I think that's why we get maybe a little bit afraid to be funny is because we think it could be misinterpreted.

Deb: And there are times where, we just all want to say, seriously, folks, it was a joke. If it falls flat, the thing we need to do. is apologize, and just say, Hey, I was just trying to lighten the mood. I am terribly sorry. And then go on. It's a tightrope sometimes.

Deb: I

Brad: think what we're talking about here is humor and intention. What I mean by that is that if the intention is to hurt somebody and the community situation we're talking about, was truly intended to hurt people. That is a different deal than try to make light of yourself or try to make light of the situation at hand.

Brad: And I think that goes to your intention. The Klein in his book talks about some [00:11:00] exercises we might. do to try to help us to enhance humor or to have an opportunity then to think it through a little bit. Think it through before we interject humor. And he talks about an exercise and I just want to see what you think about this.

Brad: He talks about drawing two circles on a piece of paper. One that is your current situation and the second circle is the desired level of humor. Whether it's just the Break the ice, have actual laugh out loud laugh and things that to shift a focus from where you are, to where you want to be. And to then drawing lines and such to work with that diagram to say, what is the appropriate to go from where I am to where I want to be, what do you think about that?

Brad: At least try to think it through a little bit. I

Deb: think I can, we Of course, that's if we're planning humor, right? If it's spontaneous you still, you've got that split second where you think, should I say this or [00:12:00] not? And, but yeah, there are times where, you know, like I've shared one of the things that, that I do is when they ask my name and in various medical things, they ask your name and your date of birth.

Deb: And I tell them that my name is Anastasia Beaverhausen and clearly my name is not Anastasia Beaverhausen. And, sometimes it makes people laugh. Sometimes I get the panicked, Oh my God, that's not on my chart. Look. And then I'm like, Oh, it's okay. Okay. I'm just joking. I also know that there are times where I can't do that.

Deb: It would not be appropriate. They need to, it's just you wouldn't say, Hey, you're supposed to amputate this arm and point to the wrong one. You want to be serious when you need to be serious. And And so as Alan said, think through it a little bit.

Deb: And maybe it's more of a flowchart. Will this happen? No. Then this will happen type of thing.

Brad: I like the flowchart idea there because it's like the flowchart also has to do with your setting. If you're in being wheeled into surgery, that's one thing that as opposed that if you're you're in a, around [00:13:00] the dinner table at a event or something, or if you're at a workplace setting, an office setting, or for school, setting depends on where you're at.

Brad: Let's look at the other side of it here just for a minute about kind of retrospect, seeing things after they happen for the humor. Cause at the time there are certain things that are. Not humorous, but they, in retrospect, they can,

Brad: They can be. I know I, I tell the story sometimes and I've told it here before about how when I was working on a grounds crew at a school where I went, I fell through a manhole and caught myself and yelled some pretty, vulgar things.

Deb: And. I know

Brad: it, I know it, and

Deb: Cause

Brad: I was and I had a few other things too more detailed than that. But my point is, at the time it was not funny cause I was literally falling into a sewer system, and I was, I was going to get hurt bad, and, but in retrospect, the people who were involved with it, [00:14:00] the guys I was working with and some of the other people who knew about it, we're, we all had a good laugh about it.

Brad: I still laugh about it. It's been many years since that, that, that happened. I think that's important that we do that as well to get perspective on things that, yeah, I could have been hurt but I wasn't and now we can laugh about it and I've been happy to know people who've had really bad things happen to them, really got hurt and still have a good perspective on

Deb: things.

Brad: Can you comment on that a second about having perspective after the fact?

Deb: I think what it does in many cases is maybe it's a traumatic memory. Like you said, sometimes people will are very seriously hurt or, all sorts of things. And when we can look back on it and laugh, maybe it changes that to be not quite such a traumatic memory, and I think it's as you said, we get perspective. We realize, you know what, the earth did not end, and various things like that. And so I think looking back and seeing, yeah, that probably was really pretty silly, pretty funny. pretty whatever. It does [00:15:00] help us realize, okay, I don't have to think about that situation in such a dark and gloomy way.

Brad: Yeah. Let me throw up this term for you. I think it was a way to bring our conversation around here for a moment here. And that's the word transformation. I think humor is one of those things that can be a bit of a transforming force to take the dark and the gloomy and transform it into something that is a manageable, something that we can help us to cope with things.

Brad: And part of what we were talking about here is how we can. Intentionally transform upsets into into an asset, and to see how we can transform that in such a way that it makes life more, Palatable, more doable. Any other thoughts you want to have about that before we bring this conversation around?

Deb: That's what we're all about is transforming the grim into the grin and, maybe we're not doing a full on belly laugh, but maybe it's just a little grin. to go, [00:16:00] okay, I can get through this.

Brad: Yeah. I think laughter is one thing is it's a process, an application of a process that helps us to deal with our struggles and helps us to get through roadblocks, stepping stones.

Brad: It's one of the things that takes a little practice and some discernment and some wisdom. And, that's what we're looking to do here. We are wanting to help provide people tools in our community to apply and amplify humor in your life. So help you to just deal with life. And that's what we're all about.

Brad: And we hope people will connect up with our community here at cancerandcomedy. com slash follow.

Deb: I love it. I love it. I've told everybody. We obviously have to lighten the mood all the time. That's just what we do. And we do that with yet another one of Dr. Brad's Bad Jokes of the Day.