How to Become a Hall of Fame Lifter Upper: Life Lessons from Uncle Rick

How to be a Hall of Fame Lifter Upper. Hello, good people, my Lifter Uppers. Welcome to Cancer and Comedy with Dr. Brad Miller. This is the podcast where we look to offer an encouraging word to cancer-impacted people to help them heal with hope and humor. You can always find Cancer and Comedy on pretty much all podcast directories. Just go to cancerandcomedy.com/follow. And today I'm going to tell you a little bit of a personal story about a Hall of Fame Lifter Upper in my life. My uncle Rick, passed away a few days ago. Indeed, my Uncle Rick and Mike kind of put it this way. He says, "Hey, here's one for you. A wealthy man died, and his only living heirs were two nieces and nephews named Charles." The estate lawyer got everybody together to read the will. And the minute note, the nephew Charles was very anxious about it. He says, "Am I mentioned in the will? Am I mentioned in the will?" He's very anxious about it. "Well, you certainly are." So, the lawyer, right here in the third paragraph, your uncle says to my niece, Sarah, "I bequeath $100,000, to my niece, Janice $50,000, and to my nephew, Charles, who was always curious if he was mentioned in my will, I say, 'Hi, Charles.'" Man, Uncle Rick had a great sense of humor. And to me, he was what I'm talking about today a Hall of Fame Lifter Upper. So today, here in Cancer Comedy, I just want to share with you, kind of on my heart, be a little bit personal with you about my situation, my grief that I'm going through, talk a little bit about anticipatory grief as we prepare for someone to die and talk about some of that about the sweet and the good thing, the joy of death when it comes. And then about becoming a legend, becoming a Hall of Famer in that whole process, which we all can do. And I learned a lot of this from my uncle Rick, who passed away a few days ago. And as I've been asked by my family to have the service, I'm the pastor and so I'm going to be talking in this episode about some of the things I may be sharing in the service. And some of them are memories. So things I think may be helpful to you to think about the process when you deal with loss. And you deal with grief in your own life and how you see some of the good in that, how you can lift people in the process. You see, my Uncle Rick was my favorite uncle. You have a favorite uncle in your life or a favorite relative or person in your life that you don't want to lose, you know that you don't that you just make you laugh, you know they are they're fun. Some people call them a little Funko, you know, fun uncle. And that's where my uncle Rick was for me. He was quite a bit closer to my age, he was quite a bit younger than my dad, I think about 12 years younger than my dad. So, when I was 10 or 11 years old, he was in his 20s. So, I remember my uncle, Rick, for instance, teaching me how to shoot a basketball, kind of run over the rim for the rim, he would say, and he coached me in little league basketball, buddy basketball, called him the town I grew up in, and I wasn't that good. But you know what, what I lacked in talent, I made up for by being slow. But I remember Rick coaching me up, to do the best he could with what he had to work with. And just me having a smile in front of me and encourager, no matter what, and just being fun. Everybody likes anything in your life, a fun uncle, a fun parent a brother or sister somebody that's fun, or somebody else in your life that you just enjoy. And that's what my uncle Rick was for me. And yet, life goes on. And life happens. And some things, when life happens, are not always fair. You see, my uncle Rick was also the athlete of the family. He was a very avid golfer. He was an excellent tennis player and played pickup basketball and things like that. But he was most especially a tennis player and a tennis coach. And he excelled in that. And he loved to play golf, he was a member of a golf club in his community. He was a teacher in the local high school and taught radio and TV. So he also did high school, he was the radio announcer and taught the students to do the play-by-play of the local high school football, basketball games, and things like baseball. So he was involved with all kinds of he was very much a part of the community, extremely active, always on the golf course, always playing tennis, coaching, and doing things like that. And so, it was a real shock to me and our family, and everybody when he had a medical procedure when he was in his 50s was supposed to be kind of a simple procedure, like fixing a hernia or something of that nature. And there was a medical accident that nicked a nerve. And it left him a paraplegic, for most of the rest of his life happened in the year 2005. So nine, almost 19 years ago, is when that happened. And so he lived to be 76. It's so his extremely vital, active life was cut down during his prime in that way in terms of his physical health. And so that was hard to handle for all of us, except maybe for Rick himself, and he was hard to handle for him. Don't get me wrong.

But that's where it comes into the anticipatory grief. I wanted to mention to you, that anticipatory grief is when something bad happens, and it kind of lingers and goes on, and you are dreading the day when the bad thing happens. Life isn't fair. And life wasn't fair to my uncle Rick. When he, in the prime of his life, you know, his physical health was devastated. And he went to the Mayo Clinic and all kinds of places to try to deal with his situation. And it never really was resolved. He remained pretty much confined to a wheelchair for most of the last 19 years. So there was fear. What I remember when I got the word about that, was our family was on vacation, and just really crushed to hear about it. And then the vision of my not being able to do the physically active things with Michael rec anymore. It wasn't quite true. But anticipatory grief. But here's the thing. My uncle Rick did not let that physical situation stop him. And so he charged on in his life, and he did what he needed to do, and he chose to get better and not be bitter. So he was I mentioned a coach who wasn't just a coach, a tennis coach. He was a Hall of Fame tennis coach, and at a high school where he taught school, he started the tennis program literally on a blacktop parking lot, where he put lines down and set up a net. And he started. They ended up being in the Hall of Fame for tennis, over 1000 wins over many years. And one of the highest right up there among the most wins ever by a tennis coach in the state of Indiana where he lived and I live as well. And much of that time he coached from a wheelchair. So that tells you one thing there about he was not only a favorite uncle for me, but he was a great husband to his wife of 50 years, almost 50 years, I believe, and to his children and grandchildren. He was a great husband dad and grandfather as well. Also known in this community as just a very uplifting personality, very much a fixture in his local high school local community. And always with a smile, always with a good encouraging word. And he always continued to do things. And he did. I personally never rarely heard him whine or complain. And he stood and let things stop him. He was known for traveling; he traveled all over the country in the tricked-out van that he had, which was able to accommodate a wheelchair and so on. And he traveled all around everything. He took his tennis teams all around, places to play in tournaments, and traveled more than any other coach, I was told by other coaches and found the competition that he loved and craved. He traveled to Las Vegas, Florida, and many other places in his life and enjoyed that. He did what had to be done. He did not let his physical situation stop him. And he always had a smile, always cracked a joke. Loved to talk sports. And he loved to talk, you know, family and faith Church, and he was an encourager. He was engaged in his mind and didn't give up. And that was indicated by me last year, so he was confined to a healthcare facility and a lot of his former students and players of tennis players came to see him there. And he engaged with the staff there in the facility. The medical People the caretakers, and even the custodial staff, he was very popular in this facility because he would ask people questions about their lives. He was concerned about that. Now, these are some of the things about him that I love, and cherish. And he competed on the tennis court, and he competed in life. And he would have wanted to live his life to the fullest to the end. And we talked he was the embodiment of what I want to share here on the cancer comedy podcast, we are here for people who are not done living in life. And my uncle Rick embodies that, he says, Okay, I'm going to laugh in the face of fear, I'm going to enjoy my life, regardless of circumstances, and I will not be stopped, I will not be stopped and nothing stopped my uncle Rick. And he just enjoyed life. And so he was a real inspiration for me, I mean, manga, manga, several things he did, you know, he had the communities where I lived his, he would come and his local high school would often play the high school as a team of the community where I live. And so like, he'd be on the radio with his local team, and I'd go visit with him, I'd be on the radio broadcasts. And so I've been involved with radio and podcasting for many years myself. So that's a part of what we had in common as well. So what I want to share with you is just a situation where there are lessons we can learn from people we need to embrace those lessons. And especially if you've got a favorite uncle in your life, embrace those lessons and apply them to your life, I want to share them with you, apply them in your life. And I'm going to apply a few biblical principles here as well that I think are going to apply to your life kind of in our faith that is breaking part of my message here today. Here's what I learned from alcoholic courage over cowardice. He was courageous to face his circumstances. And he didn't back down he was no coward. My uncle Rick faced theory kind of punching fear in the face. And he went after it, okay. He was competitive and yet humble. He wanted to win. He wanted to beat this medical situation he was in terribly yet he also was not, you know, devastated by it, either. He was humble about it. He said, you know, there were situations where, you know, there are other people worse off than me and things like that. He also lived that out. I found out from the other coaches that he competed against in tennis that they said he was tenacious and competitive, one of his teams to win. However, he was also very gracious and very, had a good attitude about things, and just loved the camaraderie he had as well as the community, in the tennis community and his high school community. So that means that he had good humor. And I think that's so important. good humor, I saw people when they have bad things happen to them turn mean, your experience that that's not good either, is it? You know, and we don't want that. He was never mean; my Uncle Rick was just not a mean guy. And he has some reasons to be upset, you know, for what happened to him. But he had good humor the whole time laughing. He would just have a big smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye. Love that.

It was all about encouragement over jealousy. You know, he was an encourager, and he was encouraged by the success of others. And I never saw it myself. But people, I believe, and I may be myself even included, will be jealous of others who could walk and run and play golf and things like that, and play tennis when I couldn't anymore. If I, if that happened to him, I didn't see it. There was also engagement over denial. He did not, you know, sometimes I get around that when I was diagnosed with cancer. I became the, you know, a Cleopatra, the queen of denial, not wanting to deal with it. Rick always dealt with it. He was engaged in his treatments. He was engaged with his family. He was engaged with other people who engaged with the tennis courts, and with others talking to him about sports, he was engaged. He was all those things. Love that about him. There was also resilience over resignation. He was going to persevere through this whole situation, no matter what. And he never gave up. I didn't see it, at least. And so many people when they have bad things happen to them give up. He also really leveraged mind over body. Okay. There were many times when he was, I just got to say he was in bad shape physically. And he willed his body to go do what he needed to be done. I heard stories about how he would be on the tennis courts in a wheelchair. With a parka on, wrapped in blankets because it would be snowing or sleeting, and he'd still be out there coaching from a wheelchair. He was not going to be, you know, his way he was going to be there no matter what. He was also about serving others, you know, in tennis, it's about serving and volleying isn't it serve and volley he would serve, and then people would return to him to good stuff. But he was always the first to serve others. And I love that about him. So that serve us service to others, was much greater than the need to be served himself. And I think most especially the thing I always think about he got, he always wanted to get, he was not bitter. He always wanted to get better credit, right, uh, rather than a bitter. So he was kind of my personal Hall of Famer. And I think it was appropriate that he is literally in the Hall of Fame for tennis in the state of Indiana. And I talked to some of the other coaches around the Hall of Fame. And they had great things to say about him. And they about how about some of these qualities I just mentioned here, and I thought about this in terms of how we can be Hall of Famers as well in the lives of others. I think it embodies a lot of these qualities that I shared with you about my uncle Rick, and how if you have the qualities in life that can kind of bring good memories to others, and share those things and bring a smile to other people's place. I think that's where it's at. Because I think as I'm talking about this here today, it's we have grief about what's happening to us, and the anticipatory grief. And when he did pass away, it was a good thing. He was in a relief state he was ready to go. He was ready to go. His body had gone to the point where he couldn't log, he had strokes and could no longer speak, but he still had a twinkle in his eye and could communicate with you that way. But there was a relief of death, that strain has gone. And as people of faith believe you know that there is a better life and beyond. And I'm certainly among those. And he has a Hall of Fame legacy though. Bringing a smile to others, in my case is a favorite uncle, but bring a smile to others lives. And so it's your way the Bible has this old area called kind of people often called the Holy Hall of Fame, said Hebrews 11. It talks about guys that you would recognize the names of whether you're a warm, man or woman of faith or not. People like Noah and Moses, Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, and Jacob Rahab are all mentioned there in this holy Hall of Fame. But the quality that the Hall of Famers needed in where they're talking, they were men and women of faith, and it was all about faith in action. Okay, faith and action. That's what got you into the biblical Hall of Fame being men and women of action. They all had bad things happen to them. You know, Noah the on the boat, you know, on the ark with the whole world was destroyed. Moses is in slavery, they need people out of Israel, Abraham and Sarah, old age not having children. All these things had their painful parts. And the promises that the mayor made for their life didn't always come to fruition. It says in Hebrews 11 Verse 13, that all these people, these Hall of Famers were still living by faith when they died, and they did not receive the things promised they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. That's what it says there. So I guess I would share with you friends that the life we may have anticipated a dislike for the biblical Hall of Famers, and from Elko Rick may not be what we anticipated, and may have been what we thought was promised to us having a full life of playing golf and tennis, and other vital, vital things in your life, that cancer may I impacted you or maybe impacted your life in some way like that. And it is, we may not get what we thought we were promised in life. There are no guarantees in this life. But what we do with this life makes all the difference. Nothing is promised to us. But what is offered to us is that nothing should keep us from excelling and living our life as it is to the fullest to the very end. That's what I learned from my uncle Rick. So I hope that you'll take that to heart here on the cancer comedy podcast sets. This is what we are all about. We're all about helping you to have a vital life. Right now. Whatever the situation is, if you're suffering from cancer, man with you, I'm here to support you and help you to navigate it to cope with hope. And that's what we try to do here at the cancer and comedy podcast, cope with hope and turn the grim of cancer into the grant of a life well-lived. None of us are going to allow this human life to live. They're welcome today when we need and all will embrace the sweet relief of physical death. But we can then offer something good to others all along the way, no matter what. Uncle Rick did it as a paraplegic coaching from a wheelchair and encouraging others from there. It's a great story, isn't it? It's part of my story. And I love to tell the story about my uncle Rick, and how his life was a Hall of Fame, literally in a Hall of Fame. But I believe everybody, including you, could have a Hall of Fame life, where you will be legendary in the lives of people you've impacted. So do it. Be better, not bitter, have fun, tell a joke, have a laugh, do things that bring you joy, and share joy with others. It's a great story. And I want to hear your stories here on the cancer comedy podcast we bring on great guests who help us navigate cancer and other Malott healthcare situations. We hear their stories in the interviews that we do, and you hear my story. And my co-host, Deb, you our stories, only hear your stories as well. So please reach out to me. I'd love to hear from you, Catherine comedy.com/voice message. Or you can always follow us on our podcast at cancer in comedy.com/follow. We can join together to build a community together of developing a community about healing, healing, and cancer's impact on people with hope and humor. How about leaving a legacy? Haven't learned some from my uncle Rick and your uncle Rick in your life, to leave a great legacy that you can leave no matter what your situation is. Maybe we can work on that together. I hope that we can. I'm Dr. Brad Miller. I love you. I'm here for you. Thank you for letting me share my story about my Uncle Rick here today. It will be back with you next time here on the cancer and comedy podcast where we are all about living a life of love and faith and hope where we heal through hope and humor. So till next time, good people may lift or uppers. My name is Dr. Brad Miller. And remember that a cheerful heart is good medicine.