"Christmas verses Cancer” with Dr. Brad Miller and Deb Krier

Dr. Brad Miller 0:00

Cancer and Christmas. In many ways, those two words do not seem to go together. And yet, perhaps we can leverage the good cheer of Christmas. To have an impact on kind of the gloom and doom of cancer and to live our lives with hope, about a future that is has that is full of possibilities. Here on episode number 24, of the cancer comedy podcast, myself, Dr. Brad Miller and my co host, Deb queer talk about Christmas and cancer, and how to cope with it. I hope that you'll find this beneficial to you. I was first diagnosed with cancer at Christmas time of 2022 and have found a way through this podcast to leverage my cancer situation. My ministry experience my doctorate degree in transformational leadership and my love of comedy and podcasting to serve you. We do that right here right now at Christmas 2023. So if you're ready to have a little bit of Christmas cheer, to help you to fight against the grimness of cancer. This is the place to be. So listen on my friend. Listen on.

Intro 1:32

Cancer got you down. pretty grim, huh? How about a show that turns the grim into a grin? Way to go. You made it here to the cancer and comedy podcast the show to lift you up with hope and humor that heals.

Deb Krier 1:53

Hey there, lifter uppers. I'm Deb Krier, the co host of cancer in comedy with a big, Merry Christmas, a wonderful, Happy Hanukkah and Happy Holidays to all of our friends who are devoted to the belief that when it comes to cancer, a cheerful part is good medicine. We do that on cancer comedy by focusing on stories of healing through hope and humor. Or as we like to call that turning the grim into a grin. During the holidays, we focus on good cheer, to be sure, but we are very well aware that this can be a very tough time for many of us to cope with cancer. So let's talk about it. Today on cancer comedy, we talk about cancer and Christmas. Here's the host of cancer in comedy, Dr. Brad Miller.

Dr. Brad Miller 2:39

Hey, thank you, Deb. Thank you, Deb. And blesses Christmas and holiday season to you and do all of our good folks here are cancer common airlifter uppers. This is the this is the podcast where we look to turn the grim of cancer into the grin of celebrating life, which is certainly a piece of the holiday season determine our sorrow and smiles. But didn't want to remind our lift represent if you are dealing with depression here at the holiday season, or sadness or anything impacted to a cancer diagnosis, or maybe somebody in your family impacted by cancer or any other devastating disease. For that matter. We believe that we can help. We have a free course it's called the healing with hope and humor course. Or h h h. It's about 15 minutes a day for five days. And it's a course that we believe can help you cope with hope and help you develop your credo to help you develop to get through the whole process of coping with cancer. You can find out more about that by going to cancer and comedy.com/free. But Deb here at the holiday season, one of the things that happens is that families get together. Sometimes that's a wonderful, great thing and sometimes there's some tension at it. I don't know about you, but I've got some I got some oddball family members. I don't think you do. Oh no, not at all. I got you out of the out of your mind your family like this one I have I have Aunt Judy and Uncle Rudy and Aunt Judy and Uncle Rudy. They are both have a fiery temper. And they both are like complected people with fiery red hair. Yeah, have you ever been with people who just they just seem like they just love to argue for the sake of arguing you know what I mean by that? They just oh I do I do. And these two are added added all the time all the time. I mean, it doesn't matter if it's about the food they have or about what television showed a watch or anything else he does. You know if if Rudy says up, Judy says down you know if? If Judy says black Rudy says white, whatever it is They go at it, tooth and nail and they just are really a trip to be around, spend some time visiting with them over the holiday to time here. And as we're visiting with them things are relatively calm when it starts precipitating outside. And there's little, you know, a little bit of precipitation on the window, the big picture window there of the house and I look outside. Judy says, look, it's snowing. Of course, Judy, Judy says that. And Rudy says, No, it's raining. And that Tux takes off to this giant fight. Judy says it's snow one. And Rudy says it's rain and the rest of us are kind of just going watching just kind of stay in low to keep the try to stay out of the way. And they're yelling and screaming at each other. And Judy says it's stolen. Rudy says it's raining and they're going back and forth. Judy snow, Rudy Ray. And finally, Rudy stops steps up and he gets right in the face of Judy. Nice, says, Judy. I've had enough. I know what I'm talking about. Because Rudolph the Red Nose, rain deer.

Deb Krier 6:17

Oh, you know, I'm a redhead. So I'm not sure how to take that. But I'll take it in the holiday spirit and let it slide. Well, as we said, today, we're going to talk about coping with cancer at the Christmas holiday. And following that conversation, you're going to want to stick around for Dr. Brad's Bad joke of the day. Yep, we have more. And our face It or Break It segment. And of course, our listener lifter stories. Did you know that you can be part of an upcoming episode of cancer in comedy with your uplifting story on how you're crushing cancer with hope and humor. Just go to cancer and comedy.com/voice message and tell your story.

Dr. Brad Miller 7:02

We're all about telling stories here at cancer and comedy. We'd like to say we're telling stories about hope, and humor. And Christmas time is certainly a time of telling stories, family stories, it may be silly, dumb, stupid stories, like I told about Rudy and Judy, or they can be other stories that are impacted by the things that happen to us, including when we are impacted by cancer. Deb, you've been dealing with cancer for quite a while in your life, you'd like to turn yourself a cancer warrior and I love that term. And yet, Douglas and I know it's been Kim and you've said a few times over the years you've been dealing with cancer. But it's been several years now that first Christmas time or that first holiday season, kind of after this became real for you about cancer. Tell us a little bit how that impacted your life.

Deb Krier 7:54

Sure. You know, it was definitely a challenge. I was diagnosed in 2015 and had my first big rounds of chemo. On October 30. I felt just fine gave out trick or treat things the next day, and then ended up with catastrophic complications. I went into the hospital, the first part of November, and was there over Thanksgiving. That's not a fun place to be over Thanksgiving, in and out of ICU, multiple surgeries. You know what could go wrong? It did. And then I had to go when they discharged me from the hospital, I had to go to a rehab facility. Because you know, when you're I needed to learn how to walk again and and do some various things. So I'm at the facility and I said something about going home for Christmas. And they said, Oh, no, no, you're here until. And I said, Oh, no, I'm not. And and they said, Well, it really is up to you. And so I made it my goal that I would be home in time for Christmas. And so they discharged me on December 23. So I was home for Christmas. Thank heavens for Amazon overnight delivery, because that's how I did all my Christmas shopping. But it was just so important to me to be home for Christmas. And I think that's probably one of the things that so many people deal with is they just want to be home.

Dr. Brad Miller 9:16

Well let me let me do a follow up with this. How was home for Christmas that year where there was there, you know, you talked about the shopping piece of it. But how was home life experience to be?

Deb Krier 9:26

my husband bless him had decorated you know, clearly not nearly as much as what we normally do. But he had decorated he made it as festive as possible. I don't remember what we ate I don't know when we if we had you know, turkey, ham, whatever, anything like that. But it really was just the fact that I was home after being in the hospital for over seven weeks. I mean, it was just it was probably too soon. I probably should not have gone home because it was a challenge. But like I said I was going to do anything I possibly could had to get home. Because Christmas at home just have such special memories and feelings

home for the holidays is a is a phrase that we use. That's that's not just trite, isn't it me it's meaningfulness to, to be home. I know my Christmas story around cancer is pretty fresh for me in the sense of we're talking here and Christmas time, holiday time to 2023. And I was going going through the diagnosis process right around Christmas time last year of 2022. And in fact, went through the rigmarole of tests basically in October, November and early December and was expecting D had me with my doctor mid December and but I got the final call, actually, two days after Christmas, December 27. But so I was on at home for Christmas and do a Christmas things. Feeling relatively good. But this thing hanging over my head, I knew, you know, the more than likely it does. diagnosis was coming down. And I was kind of in a state of denial. I was kinda like this, you know, let's get through the holidays, let's, let's figure it out, you know, get through the hell, maybe just maybe everything will be cool, everything will won't happen that that will happen. But the bad news, maybe there'll be some Christmas miracle, as it were. And we got the phone call the 27th. Right after two days after Christmas, the Monday after Christmas holiday. And it was pretty devastating. And I was still a lot of denial regarding that. It made me think a lot about that. Chris, I had a really an awareness of this thing about my job is thinking about family experiences of that Christmas thinking, Well, what this is a store for Christmases to come you know, or will they even be there this type, this type of thing. And so that was pretty devastating time. And lots of people talk a lot of times about the Christmas blues and all that kind of thing. And I've caught it for my case, it was kind of the Christmas cloud, I wasn't feeling depressed, but it was just kind of like hanging over my head. And because it wasn't confirm thing yet. The thing that kind of got me through that date, a couple days after I got the diagnosis got together with my two granddaughters who and ages five and two at the time. And they were we went out to bowling and some other arcade stuff with them. And we went to McDonald's restaurant and got them happy meals and stuff. And they were giggling, laughing and playing and, and having a great time. And I guess could envision them as a young woman of 21 and 18. And I knew I wanted to be there. So that's kind of the impetus of my hope about that and became really a significant portion of what I wanted to do significant things and include this pod include this podcast try to be helpful to people with with hope and humor. But you know, depression and a Christmas blues or holiday blues, that's a real thing isn't a Deb?

It definitely is. And I think we need to acknowledge that part of what we do is we deflect it, we you know, people, how are you doing, and we say we're fine. And I think it's definitely something because something that we need to watch. Because if it is very serious, then please folks take the steps that you need to get help, you know, in the end, because it could just you know, really spiral out of control. And so, you know, we want to make sure that that doesn't happen. But we also need to give ourselves kind of that grace to know that you know, we're going to feel a little bit bad we're not going to be happy happy it's Christmas Joy, Joy. And that's okay.

Not every not everybody's life is a Hallmark movie, which that'll how many there are, I don't know how many Christmas movie they all have one plot, it's kind of funny because you turn out I mean, look, literally there is, you know, Christmas, everything that you can possibly think of. And it's kind of kind of funny to see that but everything has a happy ending and everything has a little bit of tension here but you know, in the end of things so things work out but there there's real life stuff to deal with. You can have frustration to sit in, you know, you could have a sense of missing out.

Especially if you're not able to go do a lot of the stuff that you normally would do.

If your physical health is a problem here for that type of thing. You could kind of have a grief at missing not only physical grief of a loss, but kind of loss of experiences. For instance, you mentioned the shopping experience about how you had to do all your shopping on Amazon overnight, but whatever experiences you had, it was obviously it was different than whatever your experience was before you had to shift shift that kind of thing and for some of us it could be avert loneliness can be very pervasive during this this this time of year life you MC, there's been a few years since that first Christmas. Tell me about how that's kind of how you cope with it or managed with it. Since that first time around?

Well, I think, you know, we all have, in many cases, our family traditions, right. And so I think as fast as you can get back to doing your normal life, I think that's one of the things that, you know, is so important. But I think it is important to, you know, go back to saying, okay, you know, I'm okay, I'm gonna get through this. And whatever it is, again, give yourself grace to do what it is, you know, don't overdo. But it was very important to me to do what we always had done, which is to go visit my mother, you know, she'll be 91 this year. And so of course, we're planning a trip to see her. But it is, you know, it is a matter of your doing that. But I think there's also, you appreciate things more, you know, and even if it's just the lights twinkle a little bit more, the carolers don't sound quite so off key. But you and and I think for many people, it is truly remembering the reason for the season.

Yes, I think it's very well, very well said, to maintain those traditions as best you can. And I think it's also gives opportunity to maybe Deuce a few things differently or to see things a little different, as and not take things for granted. For instance, I'll speak for myself on that one side, too, too often. Part of the grief for me a little bit of the grief and also not take things for granted was for me, a lot of our listeners know I was a pastor for 43 years. So for 43 years, I'd also meant, you know, lots of activities of Christmas, really, with my busy time of year. And Advent and Christmas and lighting, the Advent wreath and things of that nature and worship services and Christmas Eve candlelight services, all kinds of things are part of life. And I also had retired last year. So I didn't have any of that kind of thing going on either. A lot of that went by the wayside because I was just so consumed in my own personal pity party a little bit. And What didn't I didn't have to didn't have that task in front of me to keep to keep me busy. So I have to this year, I've kind of re rethought and replaced a few of those things. First of all, I'm active. I'm no longer a pastor Am I am active in a church. And that's good in terms of being a participant and giving myself a little grace. That way. So we do have our own family Advent wreath, which has been important to us to do and live more meaningfulness in a personal family way with my wife. And I to do that, in some regards, than having to do it as a part of a responsibility. So I'll just share those type of things. So in our family, we decide to do some little different here, because I just, I've really had this mode, dip about not wanting to lose time or not want to lose experiences. So we're taking a family vacation, just Christmas time, a family vacation, that means my three adult children and my grandchildren vacations over Christmas time before when the kids were little neck type of thing. But this is where we're going to written you know, we're not traveling too far away. We're traveling about five, six hours away and written the cabin the Smoky Mountains for several days. And that'd be a lot of fun. But it seems like Arab all the everybody's coming together from different parts of the country. And we're good to go there buy CDs, we looking forward to it, which is good. And I'm really looking forward to it as little break a pattern for us, and to get together and spend some Christmas time there. Because it's just that sense of precious preciousness.

Right, yeah, we really realize time is limited

sense of this is a real this is fine. I don't think so. I I love your sense of keeping the traditions going. But I think it may be a place to creating new traditions, new ones. Yeah. And there's things that you can do and think about that. What do you think are some ways that people can help uplift their spirits if they're in that low place, and maybe they can be kind of proactive about it? You know, they some ways that they can take action?

Well, I think, you know, as we mentioned, you have to give yourself grace and realize that it's going to be different, you know, and and even if you have an absolutely fabulous outcome, things are still going to be different. You're going to end so realize that but also realize that things might have changed, you know, you you might, especially depending on if say you're in treatment or some things like that. You might not be able to do everything you wanted to do. You know, you mentioned your being a pastor. That's you know, that is definitely a 24/7 job at at Christmas. Time. And so you might have to say I need help. Or maybe it's, you know what, I can't cook the Christmas dinner, I need somebody to help this year. You know, and and that's okay. Because maybe that's the new tradition that you're starting is that somebody else does ham. And you know, and you're you just kind of doing those things. So it's, it's okay to realize things are going to be different,

we can say no to certain things and maybe say yes to certain things, I do some things just kind of differently, such as Christmas time with and holiday season, think about gifts and giving and that type of thing. But be really mindful about the gifts that you have been given of relationships, experiences of things like that. So be Greg be grateful about it. You know, we've talked solver guests in the past about having gratitude journals and things like this, but to be grateful about that, maybe break out the pictures or the videos from Christmases past, and kind of appreciate those moments, those moments when in time that pictures represent Take action by either maybe sending a photograph or sending video the video to someone that you that you know, or maybe have, you know, a card or a letter or a Facebook post Christmas letter, things like that be I guess, you know, be proactive about is one thing is that I think give yourself a break. But be proactive in how you serve other people.

Yeah. And I think it's also wise to maybe slow down, you know, one of the things that we do is we go from here to here to here to here to that and you know, this house and and all those things. And for a healthy person we wear ourselves out when and so it's like you said maybe you need to say no. And just, you know, explain to folks, I would love to come to your house for eggnog. But it's just not in the cards today. You know, and and so it's okay, and, and when you slow down, then that is where you're gonna go, Okay, now we're going to look at the family photo albums, we're going to tell the stories, you know, when you're decorating the tree, where did that ornament come from, as opposed to just we got to do it as fast as we can, because we have to go on to the next project,

well said Well said, you know, there, there are stories and traditions around certain things that we have, and, or places that are important as well. But those, whether they're memories of that, or their present circumstances, they they can be celebrated tickets afford. And we also say here, though, that we need to be proactive in those things as well. But there may be a point for some of us that the Christmas blues and depression can be problematic to the point that we just need to say to some folks, okay, you maybe you need to seek professional help. Maybe you need therapy or something beyond these things we're talking about here today that you may need to do that. And what do you think are some of the kind of the warning signs or some things that people can look for family members can kind of look for in others or perhaps in themselves that, that we can be mindful of?

Well, you know, I think we need to really be thinking about what our mindset is, you know, are we thinking it's one thing to say, oh, my gosh, this is really difficult this year, it's another one to say, I am such a burden, my family better without me, you know, and and pay attention when people are telling you those things, you know, are they are they just saying you know, I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this? Or are they really making comments that concern you? You know, and, and, and let people know is you know, especially if you're the family, the friends, that it's okay to feel those feelings, and there's nothing wrong with it. And there's certainly nothing wrong with reaching out and asking for help. You know, I think this time of year is, as we know, one of the biggest times for depression. So it is it is okay for people to say you know what, I need some help. You know, and and even you know, whether it's a mental health professional, in many cases, it is your minister, a pastor, somebody like that. Sometimes it's just some friends and you know, but let people know you it's a safe place, you can talk to me about it.

And we want to be a place here at cancer and comedy where people can find a resource of help, but also help point them to the right places, as well during the holiday season all seasons because we're all about healing first and foremost, with with hope and humor. And so I think it's part of what we want to share today is just a message that conveys that so what kind of a Christmas message or wish would you convey to our cancer economy lift her up was here

Yeah, I think remember that you are loved. You are special. You know, we no matter what you're going through, we love you. You know, we thank you so much for being our listener lifters. And you know, it's we just want everybody to have a wonderful safe holiday season.

I echo that to Deb and just think of the theme some of the themes around Christmas time, holiday time. And I've mentioned about like in the Advent candle, which is something in my Christian tradition and other traditions like candles, and many, many traditions, have a sense of these qualities that I think are important indult this year they are, they are faith and they are joy. And they are peace. They are love. And they are hope. Those are some of the themes that really come around us and those are all things to up lift us aren't they? They are things to uplift us in cancer is all about destruction and doom and gloom and darkness. And here are the cancer comedy podcasts. We want to help people shift from doom and gloom and darkness to something that brings joy now we believe humor and humor and laughter brings us joy, but many other things do as well. And certainly this time of year it gives us that opportunity and you know the vibe we'd like to say a cheerful cheerful heart is good medicine. So I for one I know Debbie join me in wishing all of our cancer and comedy lift her uppers. Adjust whatever your tradition is. Bless her Christmas, happy Hanukkah, any holidays that you lift up, we wish them well and just blessing us in their life in every way don't

we do you know and I would be remiss as a Seinfeld fan to not say remember the Festivus for the rest of us. Right? Yep, yep, amen. That note it is time for our cancer and comedy segment. Dr. Brad's Bad joke of the day.

Here's a story about last minute Christmas shopping. Teddy. The tightwad didn't have a gift for his wife and it was Christmas Eve. He ran into the department store right to the perfume counter. And he said I need a Christmas gift on my wife can you help me? The sales clerk reached from another counter and brought out a bottle of beautiful perfume. And it cost $100 tasted oh no that is way too much. Do you have anything else that's less expensive than that? And the sales clerk said sure I can up she pulled out another bottle a little smaller bottle for underneath the counter. It cost $50 Teddy it to tie was it No way I can't afford that. You have anything go less expensive than that. So let's sales cart pulled out a bottle from underneath the counter. And it cost $25.20 The title itself that is still too expensive. Right now the sales clerk was getting a little bit exasperated and Teddy was getting a little upset too. So she pulled out a small bottle. She said this bottle is on sale for $1.99. Today the tie was that lady maybe didn't hurry. I want something really cheap. The sales clerk reach underneath the counter and pulled out a mirror and held it up to today that I was face.

Let's now turn to Dr. Brad's faith It or Break It segment.

In our faith at our breaking segment on this special Christmas episode. I wanted to share with you one of my favorite and most heartwarming Christmas stories that I was introduced to. And what is shared with you it's called the Christmas tapestry comes from a book written by a woman named Patricia Polacco. It's a great story to tell about faith and about having hope, no matter what. It's a story of unity during the holiday season and revolves around a boy named Jonathan whose family and his dad was a pastor of a Christian household and their efforts to reunite a long separated Jewish couple during Christmas time during Christmas Eve. The story is about Jonathan's father, a Baptist minister, who really relocated his family to Detroit, and they were have a challenge to acclimate to their new surroundings. Jonathan actually supports his dad in preparing the church for Christmas Eve. When an unexpected problem occurs, a big crash of ice comes through the actual the actual wall of the church and creates a hole in the wall right in the sanctuary. And Jonathan and his father venture out and scraped together a little bit of money to buy a tapestry to conceal the damage of the wall so they can have their Christmas Eve service. And we'll have one while waiting at a bus stop and incredible event of serendipity occurs when an elderly woman offers them a cup of tea as they are waiting for the bus in a snowstorm. They gauge in a conversation and is revealed that the tapestry that the purchase was created by the woman as a true PA, or a wedding gift for her husband to be during the era prior to World War Two, and it was a poignant symbol of her union with her husband for their wedding. And they were separated during World War Two by the Holocaust. In fact, it was thought that the husband was lost in the Holocaust. But on Christmas Eve, as repairs are being made to the church to patch up the hole, a worker who was responsible for the task of repairing the hole recognizes the true paw or the tapestry, which was put over the hole. And it's astonishingly incredibly Miraculously, he is the long lost husband, who was believed to bear perished during the Holocaust. And the couple, the old woman and the old man are incredibly joyously, reunited. And as incredib incredible story is all about how Jonathan ran that moment, when people were brought together in an uncreated, incredible set of circumstances. And the universe came together and unfolds as it should. So in the story, crip is tapestry Christmas tapestry. The author illustrates power of love and kindness, and the unexpected, that brings people together. That overcomes all differences, cultural religiously, otherwise. And my encouragement to you is to keep hope. Keep hope alive, be faithful, be a kind person, be a loving person, be a sharing person, be a generous person. And you never know whether you have cancer or some other malady in your life. All those good things that you give to others are going to be rewarded to you in some form or another. Maybe it'll be in some form of a miracle regarding your cancer, maybe it'll be something else. But the world comes together in a good way. And what the message of, of the faith that are breaking messages is Do not be broken by circumstances of life. But continue to be a man or a woman of faith it don't let it break you continue to have hope. That's what we do hurt cancer and comedy are all about sharing up lifting stories like the Christmas tapestry. For people like you. You have healing with hope and humor. That's our faith that are braket segment for Christmas.

Well, lifter uppers, the time has come to bring this special holiday episode of cancer and comedy to a close. This is the season for good cheer. And we trust that a message of healing with hope and humor has brought you some joy. You can join those of us who are turning the grim into grin by sharing your uplifting story of overcoming cancer at cancer and comedy.com/voice message. You can also keep up with everything cancer and comedy through our cancer and comedy Chronicles. Just go to newsletter dot cancer and comedy.com Well, that's it for now. Please join us next time on the cancer and comedy podcast. And if you like what you hear, please pass this podcast on to someone in your life who needs to turn their grim into a grin for Dr. Brad Miller. I'm Deb career wishing you the happiest and most hopeful holiday season ever. And remind you that a cheerful heart is good medicine.

Hey, thanks for joining us on the cancer and comedy podcast with Dr. Brad Miller. Make sure you visit our website cancer and comedy.com where you can follow the show and get our newsletter. Like what you hear. Then tell a friend about cancer and comedy. The show that lifts your spirits with hope and humor that heals. Until next time, keep turning the grim into a grin.