A Cure for Loneliness and Cancer
In this episode, Dr. Brad Miller will tackle a serious feeling that people go through, which is loneliness. He will site some quotes from entertainers and comedians on how to deal with loneliness,
Mike Birbiglia, a famous comedian and actor, had the experiences of feeling loneliness, anxiety, and depression. Mike shares that sometimes, he goes to a movie by himself, pretending that he is on a date with an imaginary girlfriend.
Bo Burham, comedian, singer, and filmmaker, suffers from mental issues. He had a song describing how his life is like his on the outside looking in. He shares how he spends time just watching and eating cereal alone.
The experiences of these people, even having a career as a comedian, just shows how common people felt being lonely in their life. That’s why, remember, you are not the only one who feels lonely, and no one deserves to feel this way.
Dr. Brad Miller discusses also a research conducted by a Finnish research organization that discovered loneliness is a risk factor for cancer. Loneliness, as well as social isolation, increases cancer incidence, and persons who consider themselves lonely have a substantially lower survival rate among cancer patients.
When Brad Miller is diagnosed with cancer, the first feeling he feels was feeling sorry for himself, and he isolates himself from people. But the good thing is that Dr. Brad immediately realized that love and attention from other people are what he needed the most.
When you are feeling lonely in life, it can impact your life entirely. But there is a simple cure that will erase this feeling, and that is people.
There are times when we need to be alone, reflect on life, relax, and reenergize. But do not completely isolate yourself because, ultimately, connection to people is what keeps us alive and happy.
Cancer is a deadly thing, but you don't have to go through it alone. The key to isolationism is to break that pattern in your life, and the key to loneliness is people.
This episode is the one for you if you are having a hard time sorting out that feeling of loneliness. Dr. Brad encourages you that whatever situation you are in, be the source of what uplifts people. Do your part, let us all eradicate loneliness, and create a much happier world to live in.
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Dr. Brad Miller 0:01
Loneliness. When we talk about loneliness, I cannot help but think about my neighbor, Lonesome George. Lonesome George is one of the kind of lonely guys I've ever been around.
Dr. Brad Miller 0:12
And a little bit backward to the other day, he told me he went that he told me he had his very first date. And I said, How was he said, Well, it's a very underrated fruit.
Dr. Brad Miller 0:29
Well, when it comes to loneliness, it's not just a bad joke. It's a real feeling that people have. As a matter of fact, it's the subject of lots of things that people go through.
Dr. Brad Miller 0:44
In fact, some great comedians, I've been fortunate enough to be around some people who are entertainers and comedians who do a lot of traveling.
Dr. Brad Miller 0:53
And some of the things they talk about in some of their comedy routines are some of the things that they deal with in loneliness on the road.
Dr. Brad Miller 1:01
Comedian Mike Birbiglia is a comedian and actor and he's really known for his personal and introspective storytelling. He has several stand-up specials, but he often talks about his experiences with loneliness anxiety, and depression.
Dr. Brad Miller 1:17
In one of his TV specials, he talks about how he used to go to the movies by himself or pretend that he was on a date with an imaginary girlfriend, or he talks about how he went to a party and felt so lonely that he ended up leaving early to go to bed.
Dr. Brad Miller 1:32
Another comedian named, Bo Burnham, he's a comedian, his a singer, makes films. He kind of he's kind of known for his dark and self depreciating humor.
Dr. Brad Miller 1:41
And he often talks about his experiences of loneliness and isolation. So his mental health issues. And one of these specialty sings a song about how he likes to always feel like he's on in his life as he's like on the outside.
Dr. Brad Miller 2:01
Looking in. In other one, he talks about spending hours in his room watching YouTube videos and just eating cereal. Ever feel that way, especially when you deal with something as profound as cancer.
Dr. Brad Miller 2:14
And Gatsby is an Australian comedian. She's known for her honest and unflinching storytelling. And she talks about her experiences with loneliness, autism, homophobia.
Dr. Brad Miller 2:26
When one of our specialists she talks about how she used to think she was the only person in the world who felt so lonely. And she felt like in other specialty, she talks about how she felt invisible. It's incredible stuff. loneliness and social isolation, are incredibly powerful.
Dr. Brad Miller 2:47
And they are basically epidemic in all walks of life. But we're going to talk about it in this specifics and cancer here. I was interested how it's come up.
Dr. Brad Miller 2:58
The topic of loneliness has come up in my life here recently, I was at a podcasting conference and a person had a podcast all about politics.
Dr. Brad Miller 3:08
I talked about how one of the main talks was the main topic of conversation and his political podcast was loneliness.
Dr. Brad Miller 3:17
And I thought that was kind of interesting. And in another situation here, I was able to talk to a person who deals with cancer in her life, about her experiences with cancer, as well. Here's what a woman named Alice had to say.
Dr. Brad Miller 4:00
I found out a couple of interesting things about loneliness and doing my research. I just when I typed in my search engine cancer and loneliness, it popped up into the zodiac
Dr. Brad Miller 4:12
sign of cancer, which is not where I was going. But it was interesting, interesting to me. First of all, my actual zodiac sign is cancer. I'm born in July. So that's my ZODIAC sign
Dr. Brad Miller 4:23
cancer kind of ironic given that I talked about cancer during this podcast. But one of the characteristics of the zodiac sign of Cancer is the characteristic of loneliness and
Dr. Brad Miller 4:35
isolation ism. I just thought that was kind of interesting. As we talk about here today, there's also people. There's also some great quotes about loneliness. Thomas Merton
Dr. Brad Miller 4:46
said, loneliness is the poverty of self, the solitude and solitude is the richness of self my Angelou said music was my refuge, I could crawl into the space between the notes and
Dr. Brad Miller 4:58
curl my back to loneliness. That was one of her responses to loneliness. And Henry Rollins said in a quote, loneliness adds beauty to life, it puts a special burn on sunsets
Dr. Brad Miller 5:11
that make it makes night hair smell better. The idea here is put a bit of a twist on it. So you can take the pain of loneliness and you can turn it around to your, your benefit. I
Dr. Brad Miller 5:22
also love pop music. I'm an old rock and roll DJ. And so I couldn't help but think about some of the songs. And this will date me from a little bit, but only the lonely by Roy
Dr. Brad Miller 5:32
Orbison. The song, look at all the lonely people by America are some of the ones that that come come to mind. The song Tears of a Clown by Smokey Robinson all indicate
Dr. Brad Miller 5:48
the loneliness and longing and the impact that it has. Let me share with you that there
Dr. Brad Miller 5:53
actually is research that shows that loneliness is a contributor to having cancer and the impact of cancer. There was a study done by a research organization out of out of
Dr. Brad Miller 6:10
Finland. And what they found out was that loneliness, and social and social isolation, increase cancer incidence. And in this process, they found that it was also associated
Dr. Brad Miller 6:29
with being single. And also lung cancer was associated with loneliness as well, in particular, I just thought those were interesting facts. And that people who were
Dr. Brad Miller 6:42
considered themselves lonely had a much worse survival outcome among cancer patients. You might have experienced that yourself. Maybe you've encountered people
Dr. Brad Miller 6:52
in your life, who, when they have a cancer diagnosis kind of withdrew to themselves, or did some things that were not really the best in terms of their health. He made the
Dr. Brad Miller 6:06
temptation is there for you and no was was for me when I first got the word about my cancer diagnosis. A part of me just wanted to feel feel sorry for myself, it just kind of leave me alone, that kind of stuff. But that quickly went away it I really need it realized
Dr. Brad Miller 6:21
that I needed other people in my in my life, I reminded of a situation where there was two people I encountered, who both had a form of a form of lung cancer and
Dr. Brad Miller 6:35
encountered them within a short span of time. In one case, I was called to a hospital and there was a man dying of COPD, a lung disorder. And he was all alone, that
Dr. Brad Miller 6:48
everybody is life and they hospital called me to do a chaplaincy call. And he was all on scared to death, he was scared of going to hell to be honest with you. And he was
Dr. Brad Miller 7:00
crying and he was sobbing, because he had no family, nobody to be with him. And I spent some time with him, prayed with him actually baptized him. And that was a good
Dr. Brad Miller 7:09
thing. But not too long after that there was a woman who was a part of the church I served, who had lung cancer as well, that was not a she was not a smoker herself. But
Dr. Brad Miller 7:18
she lived in a house of secondhand smoke, probably how she got it. And anyhow but she was surrounded by loving family. When she passed away she was just had there
Dr. Brad Miller 7:30
was a real warm sense of family and love there. Which would you rather be about, you know, the isolationism and the fear or the love and the care of being with others even
Dr. Brad Miller 7:43
at such such a point, and time and time. So what I want to share with you here is that when you have loneliness in your life, it is a real thing and it can impact you and what
Dr. Brad Miller 7:55
can you do about it? Well, you can and I just want to share with you that there is a Basically a cure for loneliness. And that cures people. And it means you have to be
Dr. Brad Miller 8:08
kinda like you have to be assertive with your medical diagnosis, you do see a doctor and you get your, if you have cancer, you impacted by cancer, you get your treatments,
Dr. Brad Miller 8:19
you know, whatever it is chemo, radiation, surgery, other medications. That's what you do if you want to if you want to deal with cancer, but you also have to deal with the
Dr. Brad Miller 8:30
emotional impact of cancer, and the relationship impact of cancer. So it doesn't do a whole lot of good you know, there are times when we need to be alone, but not
Dr. Brad Miller 8:41
necessarily isolated. As unsealing ourselves off from the world. That's when he kind of pulled the cover over your face that had to be good. What you need to do is you need
Dr. Brad Miller 8:51
some times reflection and to be alone, listen to music, whatever it is, you need to reflect and reenergize alone. But you do need other people in your life. So let me talk to you
Dr. Brad Miller 9:02
about how the cure for the isolation and loneliness in cancer is to talk to other people about it. Here's the thing, start with the people closest to you. You can start with your
Dr. Brad Miller 9:16
spouse, if you have a spouse, you can start with your children if you have children. I mean, even if your children are adults, that's great. Even if they're younger, talk to them
Dr. Brad Miller 9:26
about what's going on, be honest about what's what's going on, you know, and they can offer a support and be with you presence means a whole lot beyond that you can reach out to friends, I know one of the things that I did in my situation is I reached out to a
Dr. Brad Miller 9:41
couple of close friends who I had some real affinity to, you know, guys who I would, in this case men who I had some real split some great times with and some tough times
Dr. Brad Miller 9:54
with, and were able to share and get through this. In my case, a couple of my friends actually had similar cancer to me prostrate cancer were able to reflect not only about
Dr. Brad Miller:
emotionally and some of the stuff going on that way. But they were friends with me and we, you know, we sat down, we laughed and we cried, and we had a beer together, we
Dr. Brad Miller:
did send things to together that were enjoyable, and we were friends, but they also kind of fill me in and some of the, their experiences. There's other things you can do to
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maybe you can join a support group, maybe they're through your doctor or, or a another group join a support group. And personal support groups are available for
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cancer impacted people really around the country, but you got to kind of seek them out. You got to go to your local hospital or your local center, maybe church or
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synagogue or someplace and seek out those type of things. If there are people there who can be helpful. Another thing that you can do is volunteer with get involved with
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something in your community, you don't even have to be medical cancer related. I was talking to a good friend of mine just today, who after suffering a real medical problem
Dr. Brad Miller:
in his life, which almost took his life, a stroke, ramped up his volunteerism for a center that provided help to homeless people. And that was really, really important for, for him
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and for his wife. It's also a great place to meet new people make new friends, that's something else you can do. Take a bit of a risk, talk to people, especially if you have an
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affinity, something in common. Do that. Here's something else that you can do take up a new hobby, or activity, it's a great way to meet people share your interest in it, that
Dr. Brad Miller:
type of thing. When things I'm looking forward to hear upcoming as I'm gonna be getting involved with some people and playing pickleball never played it before. I'm
Dr. Brad Miller:
getting together some people we're gonna play pickleball my brother is going to teach me how to play. And look, I know there's a whole community in my community, a whole
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bunch of people that do that. I look forward to that. This stuff that you can do. Yeah, you know, cancer is a deadly thing. But you don't have to go through it alone. You just
Dr. Brad Miller:
don't. And that is the key to isolationism is to break that pattern in your life. Because that can suck you down that can take you down to a dark, dark place. The key to
Dr. Brad Miller:
loneliness is people starting with yourself if you're the cancer impacted person, but you got to take a bit of a risk and get out there and do that. You don't know where these
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are, where great things are going to come from but they do come from and they do impact on on your life. heard a story about a of a woman who called a cab
Dr. Brad Miller:
and when she called the cab the cab driver came to pick her up at a very beautiful home in an older suburb of the city. And the woman was obviously up in New York
Dr. Brad Miller:
probably around 90 of cab drivers suspected that she was dressed immaculately and she I had with her a couple of bags with her suitcases. And he, she instructed, she got
Dr. Brad Miller:
into the back of the cab and driver. The cab, you know, was very nice, but he helped her carry the bags, her bags to the cab said to a man, where would you like where we
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going. And she just said, to drive. And she instructed him to drive around the city. And she, he drove into the middle of the city. And she said, this is the phone company where
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I worked for 42 years that she just pointed it out to him. And she drove past an elementary school. And she had this is where my sons went to elementary school. And
Dr. Brad Miller:
the driver was kind of interested and intrigued, but he couldn't quite understand what was going on. That she had to drive past a factory that an automobile factory that did
Dr. Brad Miller:
automobile parts. She said this is where my husband worked for 51 years. He's gone now. My children have moved away. Then she drove had him drive by a shopping mall.
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And she said with a couple of restaurants there. And she said this is the mall and the restaurants for me and my friends used to go and and have have dinner on Sunday
Dr. Brad Miller:
afternoons. And she said they're all gone now. And finally, he thought he was going to be taking her back to her home and she gave me the address of where her final
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destination was. And she pulled up to the cab or pulled up to a hospice center. And it turns out that the woman, I just took a tour of the places where she had had a longing
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to see one more time because her children had grown up and moved away. Her husband was gone, her friends were gone. She was the only one left. And now she had
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terminal cancer. And she was going to the hospice center. And she pulled out $100 bill to pay the cab driver. But of course the cab driver refused the money. And all he did
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was offer the woman a hug and a moment of companionship. And that was a great day for that woman. And for that cab driver a day that we'll never forget. My
Dr. Brad Miller:
encouragement to you, my friend is you can be uplifted and all kinds of things. And what we're here about on the cancer comedy podcast is all about up lifting stories. And
Dr. Brad Miller:
I want to encourage you, whatever situation you're in, whether you suffer from cancer are impacted by that or whether you know someone who has be a source of something
Dr. Brad Miller:
uplifting. That might be a card, a letter, a Facebook, post, a personal visit, an email, whatever it is, but be an encouragement to somebody else and that'd be good thing
Dr. Brad Miller:
that'll lift them up. And that's what I want to encourage you to do as a part of helping to be the cure for loneliness, and its impact on people who are impacted by cancer.
Dr. Brad Miller:
That's what I got to share with you today here on cancer and comedy.